Shortcut

... I got shampoo in my eye for the first time in a veeery long time. I had totally forgotten how fucking painful it is.
And as chilling here, I caught myself thinking; "What if, my blog would have more readers if I'd have a more positive attitude in my blogposts and not sound like some dead artist that just.. is very cold?" But I don't really believe that that is the problem. Or well, it could partly be, but one problem that probably is more of a problem (what) is that I don't really.. show off with my blog, it's kinda.. "underground"? You get what I'm saying, not lot of people find their ways here cause.. there isn't many ways of finding here, yea, yeah? Tho, I don't really mind the low count of people reading my blog, no. It doesn't matter me really at all, I was just thinking.. Cause I was thinking about something else, almost somehow kinda related (as always, I was thinking about Julia Roberts yesterday). OKAY, back to the negative attitude thing. Cause, I'm not really that negative and.. badass. I use fucking loads of smileys. :'D :'))) XDDDD :''3333 =w= ;AA; ;ww; öwö ÖwÖ öAö etc etc, you see how kawaii nyan I am? Yeah, bow down to me SUCKAASHHH! .. um. Yeah, and I love to laugh in general, I love to smile and I love to be positive. .. wait no that last thing, I WOULD love to be positive, I'm just too.. not positive to be positive, but being positive is a nice thing and I love being positive when ever I am positive. Better.
Except for the no-ways-to-my-blog thing I'm quite sure it also has to do something with that my blog isn't really that interesting, and it's about.. like.. everything. Sometimes, I wonder why the fuck I'm even blogging, cause I have a diary, like shit would I need a blog that no one reads anyways, you know. But I suppose I still have a need to throw out my thoughts to the world, I mean. Maybe someday someone will be browsing this blog, read thro my lame posts about nothing and ZING, come up with something fucking smart.
.. And we all know that will never happen but. Yeah. OR maybe I'm writing a blog to train english? No wait, that doesn't make sense, my diary is in english... what am I trying to get to?
Anyway, would you guys want me to be more.. positive, and you more smileys and all kinda cute whirly tails and shit (KAWAII DESU NEE~~~~~ =öwö=) or just stay the same lame cold (c)old AHAHA) me? .. It's funny that I am asking this cause I know the comment thing will keep on showing (0) :')


You know, I just realized I'm just gonna write this time, not put any pictures, just like in the old days. I am lazy, I know but you'll just have to live with it. I'll just become lazier and lazier as summer passes by... And considering this is the second day of my summer vacation, I think we're all pretty screwed.


Oh yeah, I mentioned I was thinking of something that lead me to thinking of my blog readers. The thing I was thinking of was when I finished school on saturday, I got a scholarship, 2 books by Betty Edwards, something about drawing with the right side of the brain (interesting, right is written with a big r... or is it?) and one of my friends got 50 euro as scholarship. Ofc I would have more use of the 50 euro she got, cause I am fucking poor and she has a job and all, an the first thought that hit me was "SELL THE BOOKS!". And no, I of course didn't sell the books, cause so far at least one of them have been very interesting and I think I could actually learn something from it. So as I was walking back to my room from our sauna I started thinking; who of us would have more use of what we got, in a longer range of time, and yes. Speaking of money in fact. I could, with these books, maybe possibly become an even grater artist and maybe get fuck loads of money while she spent her 50 euro on a game or something and just has a normal job. But then again, she could use the 50 euro to something rreeeaaaly smart that would help her in gaining more money and build up something huge to.. get her even more money. Which would probably leave me to be the poorer one. Nothing of this is ever gonna happen but, I love thinking. .. Yeah. That's what I was thinking about.


AND before that, the reason I started thinking about it (oh boy, chain thinking), was because as I mentioned, I am fucking poor, I have seriously run out of money, and I don't have a job and probably wont get one and selling kigurumi's went down the pipe, not that there wouldn't be people interested, it's just that it became way more expensive than imagined, for many reasons, so it wouldn't work. But I got in one order, and I shall make the kigurumi for her to see how much fabric I used, how the shipping works etc and maybe someday, it'll be possible, but not now. Everyone makes mistakes but it's okay, we can learn from them.
I'd really like to be able to sell art, cause that's what I enjoy doing and that's what I do best and being able to sell something you've done always feels great. I just don't dare go sell to an artist alley, I don't feel like I'd fit in there. I don't feel like I'm good enough to be there. And selling art on the internet when ur not famous doesn't work either.  I'd love to be at least a bit more famous than I am. It would be just super. I'd so take advantage of everyone, HAHAHA. Okay no, I'd love all my fans and have lovely contests for them and and meet them and love them and care for them, just like a second mother. .. That wounded a bit creepy didn't it.. ? <<
But yeah, I am very proud of all the 185 subscribers I have on youtube and the 66 watchers I have on deviantART and I love them for loving me~
Just now I realized, I probably have to skip a whole bunch of cons. I'm at least going to Desucon, and hopefully Animecon. I'd love to go to Tracon, considering who is going to be there but I just.. don't know.. And no more cosplays for this year either.. All this is just.. sad. Hope I'll make it through somehow.


Hmm, there was a lot of other things I were supposed to write about today but I can't seem to remember them now..
Oh, have a nice summer vacation you all, whenever yours starts~ I have plans on drawing and painting a lot and reading a lot of books and also finish that puzzle I have hidden under my bed. And ofc be with Valter~
What about you? 


I'll quit now, go cry or something. Search for food and movies. G-
- Niko