Sad, drunk & poorly

I don't like myself. at all. I.. Just, everything.
You know when you think you look good, but then you notice you don't actually. You just think so. That feeling when shorts don't fit you, yeah. That's what I'm talking about.
That moment, when you've been eating all day even if you know you shouldn't cause you know how you'll feel, and what you'll think. Still, you do it cause you think that eating will somehow help your down in the dumps mode, like eating will somehow make the undone done, like eating will somehow make you more awesome. Like shit it ever does, and you know it. Still you do it. And your mom thinks your fat. 
That moment when you'd so love being bulimic or anorectic. That moment, when you actually consider it.


And that moment, when you tell yourself  "So what" "what do I care", and you really don't, but somehow, its not helping. Somehow you apparently care more than you want to, more than you know you should. More than... too much.


That absolutely horrible moment when you feel like nothing. When nothing is worth anything. Your life; a total waste. That moment, when you just sit and watch as others grow, get hobbies, live a life, socialize, LIVE. You watch them be humans, you watch them be people. You watch time pass by while you're just stuck, sitting, doing nothing but sitting and watching. You are completely unnecessary, your future is wasted, the point of your life, never even there.
That moment, when someone asks you "Oh, and what do you work with?" and you can't answer, cause. You don't. 


And that moment, when you should stop and let be. Cause nothing will change. You know the solutions, you know the answers, but you don't take action. Babe, you can't continue like this.
-Niko