You're already dead.

Wish I'd have something interesting to post here..
I decided to come home and stay home for a day now, will go to Vallu's again tomorrow, it's 27th and you know what that means, right.. ? ♥
Not feeling too well atm too, started feeling sick last night, and it hasn't changed much.. it was okay in school but still. My stomach has been all upside down.. I've either eaten something not so good or maybe I've been drinking too much coffee or just made myself sick by imagining it all.. Duh, still. It's a pain...
Will probably draw today, might actually make a new layout for my blog, unless I try to finish some other art instead. Oh well, we'll see.


.. Wish i'd have stuff to write about like I did in the past. But I don't really have much to say. And it's also hard to get the timing right, to have that feeling and those thoughts and also a computer so that you can writre it all down. Of course I could write notes but.. naah. I don't do that very foten nowadays. i mean, write stuff down. I did, in the past. But not anymore.

I feel a bit stupid, cause everytime I'm doing something new, I'll do it really slowly and very insecurely. And people usually get quite frustrated at me for being so laggy and not knowing what I should do, and even if I explain this to them they either tell me I just should do it more often so i get used to it, or then they'll just forget I told them about it til' the next time and the it'll be all the same.

.. Now I started feeling all gloomy and stuff. I often feel like I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have been born in the first place and all that. Haha, I sound like such a drama queen, but I don't know.. I just feel very out of place, often when for example sitting in a car I wish there'd be an accident. I wish that everyone else with me in the car and in the other car would survive, only I'd die. Though I find it sad that all the people who love me would probably be quite crushed, but I'm selfish, it wouldn't matter. Life would go on. Life would be hard in the beginning, but it would go on. And I wouldn't need to exist. I wouldn't need to worry about all the stuff I worry about cause I'm a wuzz. I wouldn't need to deal with the problems I don't want to deal with and which I find completely unnecessary to deal with. I could just.. be dead and continue being dead for all eternity.
I know a lot of people feel comfort in thinking there's something after dead, that they end up in heaven or something, but I find it more comforting to just die, stop existing and.. stop everything. Just be gone, just be dead. Life seems so pointless. I  don't want to need to live with it.
Volo succurro.


- Niko
Love is simple.