Merry fucking Christmas.

not a single fuck was given.
Na, xmas, was great and all, over nao. Hate how it's like WHOOO XMAAASS and the day after, you're just like fml xmas is over. Damn xmas.
Right now I just want to cry, I'm tired, angry, frustrated, stressed, sad, angsty, hating, restless and I have a headache. I just want to go die under some rock and never draw again. Never ever meet people again, never ever need to have shit talks with anyone again. I WANT ewfojwhkn and now demanded to make someone else a happy.
Easy task when you're feeling very happy yourself too, UGH.
I just feel like crap cause I hate myself for the moment. I hate my existence, I hate my hobbies, I hate my future, I hate my past, I hate just. blargh. Tired of everything.
I hate it how I can't draw anything except for the same shit I always draw. I hate I draw dogs and animals. I hate I draw "manga". I hate I can't draw anythign realistic cause I get frustrated. I hate I'm not Kai when it comes to drawing. I hate I don't draw everyday. I hate that I hate learning stuff. I hate that I feel this way now. I hate that I often feel this way, and I hate that I feel like I can't do about it and I hate that I by hating, not trying to do anything about anything cause I just thing everything's going to hell anyway. I hate I'm this way, inside and outside.
I should, and I probably will, try to even up all the hate by saying things I like, even if I don't like anything really atm. I just want to hate and eat and cry.
I like my body. I like my face, and I like my eyes. I like the socks I'm wearing right now. I like... ugh
well that was quite the sum up......................... There's probably a whole lot of things I like, but I just can't right now. I should, should think positive, should like, but I just hate and hate.
And instead of thinking of stuff I just lay down and stop thinking. Why don't I think of solutions and interesting stuff like I used to.
I want to draw, but I can't cause I absolutely DO NOT want to draw any of those ugly ass dogs with their ugly ass anatomy that's totally up the ass. And I don't want to draw a single one of those superduperkawaiidesu bastard "manga" girls with their ugly as big sparkle eyes. I REFUSE. Thus I cannot draw, cause I can't draw anything else without it pissing me off cause I feel like I can't. Why can't I just be patient.
I wish I didn't waste so much time of my life just being angry and down.
I should stop wishing I was someone else, like Kai, cause I'm quite sure he doesn't have the perfect life everyone seems to have on the outside. I'm sure, he has, like everyone else, problems and shit stuff going on, and I'm sure he also feels angsty and sad and angry sometimes.
Why can't I just stop wishing I'd be someone else, and actually change what I want to change in ym life, what I think others have that I don't.
Since when did life become this.. hard.
- Niko