Ya'll cunts.

I don't really have anything of importance to say and I should actually be sleeping, but I'm writing anyway.

I was just reading through my old blog posts and started thinking of the reason why I write the way I do in my blog. It doesn't actually feel like it'd have a lot to do with who I truly am on the inside, but more of a .. copycat thing. I figured that maybe, I'm writing the way I am, cause I really really would like to be as cool as some of my friends.

I'm really really trying to write like they do, write in a cool way, about cool things so that people will think I'm cool and .. Think the way I do of my friends and other people I find cool. The reason I'm writing like this is because I also want to be popular, and respected, and be that person who all those 12 yr old look up too like oh my god, I want to be like Niko when I grow up she's so cooolll and she's sooo good at drawing woooaaah, her attitued is liek shiiitt maaan. You get what I'm trying to say here mm?

But in fact, I'm not that cool at all. I mean. Ugh. I don't think any of my friends who are cool are actually trying to be cool, they just happen to be lucky and happen to .. I don't know, not have the life of a Niko. I suppose they just.. didn't try to be anything but themselves, and they didn't crave being popular, it was just granted to them. Because they didn't crave it. Just like anything else in life.

Haha, and I know I have an absolute zero of being seen as cool considering the stuff I write and considering I'm telling you this shit right now, but since I know I'll never be cool and popular, it doesn't really matter. Blörp.

Oh another thing I've also been thinking about lately is uh, cosplay related, wooop.
I was reading this forum thread where people posted the most irritating fail things with cospaly, for example, not wearing make up, and stocking and not getting a proper wig and styling it properly, and buying cheap ebay costumes and so on. And I of course ended up thinking about the thing I always think of when I think of cosplaying; The hidden pressure of doing it and why I can't ever do it again.

It's quite interesting.. Cosplay I mean. Cause it's like this huge relief for people, it's like the only time they get to truly be them selves and so on, and yet there's so much pressure on you if your a cosplayer. You think everything will be fine even if you wig isn't perfect or there is some small detail missing, or your personality isn't perfect for the character, cause hey, everyone here's just one big family and everyone loves eatch other and woop everyone has shit in common and peace man.
Until you notice how it actually is. Cosplayers are just a sneaky bunch of bastards haha. Anyone who isn't amazingly pretty and has the beessst costume ever isn't "accepted" - they won't throw you out of the con, but they will talk and think shit of you, and nearly no one want to take a pic of you sob. Haha, I actually find it very insulting if cosplaying with someone, and I've worked my butt of on my cosplay, and still I seem to be lacking everything to be accepted. Oh cosplay, you make me feel so precious.

I personally think people should stop being such cunts and calm their tits; cosplay doesn't have to be that fucking serious. But, people have always been and probably always will be cunts so uh oh. w/e.

I suppose, to sum it up, I wasn't born to cosplay, I don't know how I ever imagined that I'd be a good cosplayer with this fat ass and fat legs and fat arms and ugly unkawaii face, and I wasn't born to be cool and popular and awesome.
I was just born to be boring shit me. woop.

- Niko