Love yourself like no one else

I never seem to stop thinking, and lately this one thing about me.. or well, quite many things about me, has been bothering me. A lot.

So, I've never really considered myself a good person, and once again, I'm getting tired of living like this, just like when I decided on becoming less suicidal and depressed, but that my friends, is a completely different story. Anyways, so the thing that has been bothering me, mostly, is the fact that I don't seem to enjoy anything in life anymore. Not even drawing. It has all become such.. competing. Everything is just a competition, a competition of who has a boyfriend or not, who is more loved, who can draw better, who can score better, who can Idk, take a crap better, and that is just... wrong. Very wrong and very annoying, cause if I cannot accept the fact that I can't always be the best or even close being the best, I will have hella lots of problems in the future, just imagine. So that is indeed something I need to fix. In the past, I didn't have a problem like that, in the past I could draw cause I enjoyed it, not cause I had to keep people updated with cool art that they could comment like 'OMG THAT'S SO GOOD' and not cause I had to become better than .. some people, I'm not gonna mention them. And actually, by being this obsessed with being the best it has only made me worse.

The second thing I want to change is that I'd be more.. hmm, happy for other people? That sometimes, I don't need to be the one with the good stuff happening to make me happy, I'd like to be able to enjoy other peoples happiness and luck and joy and all instead of being jealous of them, cause they'd got something I didn't.

And third, I would love to be more open hearted. I'd love to be able to listen to people giving me advice, and try their advice, instead of always getting frustrated and angry cause people wont let me do it my way. Why would I always have to take the hard way? Why would I always have to deal with stuff myself if I can get help from my friends and make it so much easier? Yeah, and not only on the advice thing, incase you didn't know, I really suck at games (PC, PS, DS etc.) and that is cause I never.. feel the way that I'd need to learn to do the combos and how to use stuff in the games except for the basics ad moving forward and to the sides + hitting or something, you know. I'm just lazy and stoopid for ignoring the instructions the game gives me and so I always have a hard time playing games.

I don't think it is too hard to notice all these things are connected to each other, and I will (already am) try to deal with them as fast as possible, yet taking my time to make a change. Changes are never supposed to be made fast.

I will just end this blog entry here and go down to drink some water, Bye~

-Niko 

Who are we to judge

As reading the book I got today I fell asleep. And then I slept for several hours and.. I had a long weird dream that I can't remember anymore, but I was very confused as I woke up.

Anyhow, the book I got today is Called 'Nightlight', a parody of twilight. It's quite.. interesting, cause you have to read it as if you were watching a movie. 

And I'll just continue on the whole reading writing topic; I haven't written a single word in like 4 days. And I probably wont unless Holly comes around to inspire me. You know how one person just makes some stuff totally worth doing? Well she makes this totally worth doing, but she's not around cause she went to Japan. Have fun mon amie.

You might now I'm in the 'kind-off-odd-not-really-normal' category of people and I mean, people keeps judging me all the time. 'Normal' people.

But then again, don't I keep judging 'normal' people too? This is a good example of the fact that 'Who are we to judge anyone?'. 

Still, what would the world be without all these stupid judges?

Nothing I suppose, I guess people have always judged each other. And as long as you can take your judgement right there's no need to worry about them. Cause most of the time you don't even have to care about them.

Blaah, I was gonna write something long and cool and interesting about that judging thing, but mah, my brain is too sleepy to make stuff happen.

I guess I'll check the homework, draw, go on a walk, sleep.

What a boring day.

- Niko

Epic Story of Epiath

Hi.

I've planned to write shit here for many times now, but neve really been around a computer when I've felt like it.

So this is gonna be a lame post, unless I come up with something amazing as I write, that actually does happen.

Uh, so lately I've been busy with trying to catch up with everyone else on NaNoWriMo. Actually, at this point I'd just wanna quit, cause I'm having so enough of this sensless writing; I'm writing totally without any kind of plot. I knwo their destination, but just what the hell is supposed to happen in between that gap where they are now and to the end of the story? God knows.

The story started out okay but it's started to get so repeating cause I'm out of ideas and I just write shit. If you'd like to read it, I've posted it to google documents. I will probably be updating it once a while (maybe) so check up on it: Epic Story of Epiath.

What else what else what else... Well, it's getting colder. Today it was -2 degrees and I was freezing my butt of, I wonder how i managed to survive last winter.

I bought a new shirt yesterday as I was in Kokkola with my family. I'm not really sure when I'm gonna wear that shirt, but mom got happy atleast. :')
I really wish there were stores selling clothes that not every goddamn single teenager had. So hard to not look like a wanna be. I'm not, even if I'd be wearing clothes that other have, cause I'm not trying to be or look like someone else, I might just find the clothes wearable and pretty, but it's not like anyone will come ask me 'hey, are you a wanna be?', they will just judge me in their heads and make me a complete wanna be; no thank you world, I'm not inrtessed in your offer.

I'm sorry I always write such random things here, and never post any pictures. No wonder no one feels like reading my blog~

- Niko