May 29, 2012

Ya'll cunts.

I don't really have anything of importance to say and I should actually be sleeping, but I'm writing anyway.

I was just reading through my old blog posts and started thinking of the reason why I write the way I do in my blog. It doesn't actually feel like it'd have a lot to do with who I truly am on the inside, but more of a .. copycat thing. I figured that maybe, I'm writing the way I am, cause I really really would like to be as cool as some of my friends.

I'm really really trying to write like they do, write in a cool way, about cool things so that people will think I'm cool and .. Think the way I do of my friends and other people I find cool. The reason I'm writing like this is because I also want to be popular, and respected, and be that person who all those 12 yr old look up too like oh my god, I want to be like Niko when I grow up she's so cooolll and she's sooo good at drawing woooaaah, her attitued is liek shiiitt maaan. You get what I'm trying to say here mm?

But in fact, I'm not that cool at all. I mean. Ugh. I don't think any of my friends who are cool are actually trying to be cool, they just happen to be lucky and happen to .. I don't know, not have the life of a Niko. I suppose they just.. didn't try to be anything but themselves, and they didn't crave being popular, it was just granted to them. Because they didn't crave it. Just like anything else in life.

Haha, and I know I have an absolute zero of being seen as cool considering the stuff I write and considering I'm telling you this shit right now, but since I know I'll never be cool and popular, it doesn't really matter. Blörp.

Oh another thing I've also been thinking about lately is uh, cosplay related, wooop.
I was reading this forum thread where people posted the most irritating fail things with cospaly, for example, not wearing make up, and stocking and not getting a proper wig and styling it properly, and buying cheap ebay costumes and so on. And I of course ended up thinking about the thing I always think of when I think of cosplaying; The hidden pressure of doing it and why I can't ever do it again.

It's quite interesting.. Cosplay I mean. Cause it's like this huge relief for people, it's like the only time they get to truly be them selves and so on, and yet there's so much pressure on you if your a cosplayer. You think everything will be fine even if you wig isn't perfect or there is some small detail missing, or your personality isn't perfect for the character, cause hey, everyone here's just one big family and everyone loves eatch other and woop everyone has shit in common and peace man.
Until you notice how it actually is. Cosplayers are just a sneaky bunch of bastards haha. Anyone who isn't amazingly pretty and has the beessst costume ever isn't "accepted" - they won't throw you out of the con, but they will talk and think shit of you, and nearly no one want to take a pic of you sob. Haha, I actually find it very insulting if cosplaying with someone, and I've worked my butt of on my cosplay, and still I seem to be lacking everything to be accepted. Oh cosplay, you make me feel so precious.

I personally think people should stop being such cunts and calm their tits; cosplay doesn't have to be that fucking serious. But, people have always been and probably always will be cunts so uh oh. w/e.

I suppose, to sum it up, I wasn't born to cosplay, I don't know how I ever imagined that I'd be a good cosplayer with this fat ass and fat legs and fat arms and ugly unkawaii face, and I wasn't born to be cool and popular and awesome.
I was just born to be boring shit me. woop.

- Niko

May 22, 2012

Pollen be gone!

Holy crap am I tired.

Pollen is currently killing the shit out of me, and I'm so fucking busy that I don't have time to sleep enough and so I'm tired as fuck all the time and yeah.. Pollen + the medication also wears me out so nopedope not fun.
And my medication's really shitty too so.. ffuu. But I might go buy some new stuff tomorrow... I just paid lots of longboard stuff for almost 300e, so I don't really feel like spending 50e on some fucking medicine, but since my asthma discus only has 8 shots left, I suppose I'll have to go get some more... aaghh.
Oh btw, about my discus, it feels as the shots are way too.. small. Like, earlier in life, I always reacted directly to the medicine and was able to breath again like.. instantly. But now it's like it takes about 50% of the breathing problems away, and then it leaves this very.. annoying I-can-kind-of-breathe-yet-not feeling, and it's not really that nice.. GIVE ME HIGHER DOSES.

I'm sorry I don't really have any pictures to show today, I haven't been taking much lately, just been stressing and trying to get shit done.. aaghh.

Uhm... Dunno what else to say haha, I don't really have much to say, but I feel like I needed to update...

Okay well, i'll soon go and try sleep... The past night have been a pain since I've had to wake up several times to take medication so that I could breathe.. fuck.

- Niko

May 10, 2012

mornin

Mornin bloggin ftw !

It's raining today, but it's at least not as windy as it was yesterday! So that's good. Aaahhmm. Oh I really feel like videoblogging but since I always look so stupid doing it haha I'm not gonna.. some other time.. Not even dressed now.. DON'T GET ANY DIRTY THOUGHTS YOU, I knoooow you were gonna.. B'V

Ahmm. I took pictures of the rain again, wooh. Tho I'm not gonna post anything since I didn't get any good once really haha. uumm.. y I has nothing to saay...
Oh yesterday I had to cook and it went better than it has ever gone before, so that's good.. maybe I'm learning... <<

I think I'll just post a few pics now haha, can't come up with anything to say ..


Some fabrics I bought a few days ago


The fake Campbell shoes I bought!


And a pretty box that was sent to Canada.. Can you guess what's inside?~

- Niko

May 2, 2012

rantrantrant

Haithar.

Hmm, so today me and Vallu decided that we are apparently going to Desucon! Whoo~ Since I'll be working almost the whole summer it'll be fun to spend 3 days in Lahti so yup~ Tho I can't use any of my current cosplay's since I have pink hair and I have always used my normal blond hair when cosplaying and I don't really have any money to spend on a wig or a new costume since well, I have to pay a whole lot of Vallus part of this trip haha XD + I'm currently really messed up about what stuff I should and shouldn't buy.. I hate buying expensive stuff, it's the stupidest thing ever. It's like.. I just can't do it since you have to save up money and then it's suddenly just gone and it's just so hard to know what expensive stuff you REALLY need and what you don't and hfsuiojal I hate money and I hate not being a millionaire ... Okay, now I really feel like making a costume, CAN I DO IT IN JUST ONE MONTH Aaaa I dunno. you tell me ;__;

I hate that we humans always have these.. complexes with shit or like you know it's always like buhuh I'm so ugly I need to become prettier and then you're never really happy and it's actually really exhausting feeling this way (since I do but I still sometimes like.. don't.. Since I sometimes, when I see myself, I think like whadap with me, my legs and ass look completely normal and okay and shit, but then still, the shorts and stuff wont look good on me and then I cry sob) and I just don't kind of get why the hell it has to be this way and uh oh. And also same goes for money I mean my god, I'm obsessed with money. And I feel really really sad unless I have shit loads of money, which I never really have, but I kind of at the same time don't want to do nothign to get money and it's weird and annoying. And I just wish that I could do something I like and make money doing it BUT NOPE. I don't fucking get this world aaarrrrff, why are some so fuckign rich, why are there like .... a few famous and they're uber rich and then everyone else are just normal and poor and DA FUQ. :'B And becomign known is also so fucking impossible I want to cry. Forever letting everything out on my bloggu.

oooh it's raining outside. Tomorrow we have and English test, whoop. Prolly gonna go real shitty but I don't caare. ALSO ANOTHER THING I STARTED THINKING OF.

People being so fucking amazingly supporting aaahh yes, fuck everyone. I know I'm just the same but still, I like complaining about stuff so shadap.
Whenever you get this great idea and it's like you're like yyeeah maybe I should oor well maybe nooot.. And then there's this friend of yours who's like YEH go for it I think it's fantastic *sparkle* and you're liek oh my god yes why didn't I see it thank you labu youu yaaay and then you start building it up like fawk yyiia I can do this and then you start talking about it to other people cause you also want them to think it's the best motherfucking idea they have ever heard BUT THEN, this happens - they will tell you NOPE. You can't do that because your idea is fucking dumbshit fuck why did you even I don't get how you could possibly ever imagine THIS could be GOOD ahaha stop kidding me you ass ahahah you can't do shit you suck nothign works in this world and you'll probably die in some ditch. That's exactly what they will tell you, they will tell you you can't do anything you wanted to do and they will completely crush your dream and since you weren't on your guard, you were just wiiide open waiting to be smashed inside, they will smash you, hard and brutally. And you will be so sad and loose all hope and just run home and cry and you wont even realize it at first but then you'll be like oh my god they're so right I'll always be just an ass oh my goooddd *cry* and they will have ruined your life.
AND NO, there's no such thing as 'not giving a fuck about what other people think', cause shit just happened okay, you didn't think it was gonna happen and it did and okay, then just shit happens. MKAY.

.. There was something else I was gonna mention.. something to do with that but I can't seem to remember... oh whatever.

Oh yeah I changed the layout on my blog, whatcha think? ~ Happy I finally got it done..

Okay I'll go do something else now uh mm yeah, bai.
- Niko