I want to start having my hair differently than I always usually have it; a high ponytail. fucking boring.
also I want to do something about it, srsly. Or get a nice wig and make it fucking miracles. I'm so tired of how I am and look and everything.
Also, get a bit slimmer legs and start wearing shit I'd actually wanna wear, be pretty, wear make up too.
DUDE I'M SOON 17 and I still look like I'd be 12, in the middle of a friggin identity crisis. Except for the very super bad emo/scene dressing part, it's a bit better than that but you see what I'm saying. I wanna look pretty and I wanna socialize, party on nice beaches with nice finnish friends in the middle of a summer night. Have amazingly pretty high heels. Get photos taken of me where I look so pretty, people want to look like me, m'kay. Life goals, shit bro.
Frankie's cool, you know. The Skins person. She's pretty, and has an interesting style. Mini too, I mean yeah, opposites all the way but still, I like both their styles. I'd really also, not want to only have one style, but to dress whatever way I ever want to. That's why wigs would be so cool you know, different wigs for different looks, i'd be fucking amazing. And oh my god, please buy me shoes. I caaaan't. I friggin like (feels like I really can't use love and no don't take any offense, you have done nothing wrong, I know you're reading this, and thus I do not want to use the words love or heart when talking about shoes cause we have already discussed it and I don't want you to feel bothered or like You've done something wrong so NO you haven't, you're lovely and you shouldn't feel anything except happiness and thankfulness cause I did this cause I care, like shit loads, so shhh darling, see ya tomorrow~) shoes and I mean like fucking amazing high heels and like oh my god. I need to post a few pairs of shoes I want.
Pair I Pair II Pair III Pair IV Pair V Pair VI Pair VII
Pair VIII Pair IX Pair X Pair XI Pair XII Pair XIII
ahahah I have no idea how the roman numeral system works, but I suppose I got it somehow right at least, or wha? So yeah, I'm quite shoe crazed, and that's just a tiny part of all the shoes I've been drooling after the past few months, NOM.
OMAGAAD I just noticed this dovely pair of shoes I've been checking out on Boozt.com IS ON SALE AA MOMMYY BUY MEEE
DOVELY
Anyone wanna buy me.. ? Late christmas present.. ? No.. ? WELL damn.
Uh ah. I actually finished a piece of art today. Want me to scan it? do you? do you? Ofc you want me to scan it. I'll put it on dev so you'll just gonna have to drag your ass there, give me some more hits on the way, and check it out. :')) totally legit.
Pura-Mummo on deviantART
Uh oh. Now I need to go. Like. I really have to go. And I'd need some manga. Damn I wish I'd get that ps3 right now so I wouldn't have to think about money all the time.. HNG.
- Niko
December 30, 2011
December 28, 2011
Normal.
Hi uh.
I thought I could do a more normal blog entry uh. feels like I've just been throwing out shit here lately so uh yeah. pics and shit, woopie.
Yea, it was christmas a few days ago, it was .. nice. I suppose. I got a lot of nice presents so yeah. I got my new phone, I got new socks, a pair of gloves, candy, more candy, leg warmers, mugs.. platethings, uuh.. I can't remember really but yeah. it was good, how bout you?
Every year, I think we all have a present crisis ahaha. So did I at least. But I solved it, awesome as I am, so yeah. The envelope above is a present I made (made two of them, different birds tho. Titityytitityy.) annd I thought the idea was fun so.. uh. yeah. CREATIVENESS. alll the way.
HERE is the finished painting I've been working on in school, I'm quite happy with it except for some parts but w/e, not gonna work on it any more. Olkoot.
It's three different pieces I've put together, Nightmare by Henry Fuseli, Lady with an Ermine by Leonardo da Vinci and a self portrait by Junji Ito.
For today, I decided to clean my desk wall, since it's filled with shit from 1588 or something haha. well not really, but shitloads of old stuff I'd rather not have there anymore. Might as well change the whole thing as the year will soon change and I'll have to get a new calendar.. HNNGG.
The picture on the left was actually a cosplay I had thought of making as my first cosplay. I chose it sometime soon after starting to get interested in cosplaying and cons. I never made it tho...
The one on the right was made during the summer in 2009, it has been a motivating (?) pic for me every time I've felt like I can't draw and I will quit doing so or whatever shit about me and my drawing stuff, it has always helped me to.. take a step back and actually think. It has motivated and kept me going, even if it's just the simplest pic with the lamest text ("Art is my life.. My everything♥") it has somehow been very important to me. Too bad it ain't working this time..
I have so many of these con bracelet things that I have no idea what to do with really. I don't want to throw them away so uh. I just decided to save them in some envelope. I also have ticket to Frostbite, but I don't know how I feel about going there. Ughhh.
I have so many of these con bracelet things that I have no idea what to do with really. I don't want to throw them away so uh. I just decided to save them in some envelope. I also have ticket to Frostbite, but I don't know how I feel about going there. Ughhh.
And so the finished wall is quite.. empty. For now. I put up my calendar, the pica pic and the art motivationg thing, cause it would've looked too empty otherwise. I also have a pic of me and Vallu down in the corner~
Hmm, yeah. that's about what I've been up too today. i would've actually wanted to do a whole lot more, and well, I still have time but... I don't know, I've just been feeling very down about everything lately. I can't really draw cause I feel so disgusting when I do. Even if I'd really want to I can't. I just can't stand the fact of.. everything. Also the fact that it feels like I've finished 3 pictures during this year makes me feel kinda shit. I should produce more art, I just never.. get anything done. OTL
aagh omagaad I'm soon 17.. ffuuck.
Okay, I'll leave you gais nao, try to get something done.. sobbu.
- Niko
December 25, 2011
Merry fucking Christmas.
not a single fuck was given.
Na, xmas, was great and all, over nao. Hate how it's like WHOOO XMAAASS and the day after, you're just like fml xmas is over. Damn xmas.
Right now I just want to cry, I'm tired, angry, frustrated, stressed, sad, angsty, hating, restless and I have a headache. I just want to go die under some rock and never draw again. Never ever meet people again, never ever need to have shit talks with anyone again. I WANT ewfojwhkn and now demanded to make someone else a happy.
Easy task when you're feeling very happy yourself too, UGH.
I just feel like crap cause I hate myself for the moment. I hate my existence, I hate my hobbies, I hate my future, I hate my past, I hate just. blargh. Tired of everything.
I hate it how I can't draw anything except for the same shit I always draw. I hate I draw dogs and animals. I hate I draw "manga". I hate I can't draw anythign realistic cause I get frustrated. I hate I'm not Kai when it comes to drawing. I hate I don't draw everyday. I hate that I hate learning stuff. I hate that I feel this way now. I hate that I often feel this way, and I hate that I feel like I can't do about it and I hate that I by hating, not trying to do anything about anything cause I just thing everything's going to hell anyway. I hate I'm this way, inside and outside.
I should, and I probably will, try to even up all the hate by saying things I like, even if I don't like anything really atm. I just want to hate and eat and cry.
I like my body. I like my face, and I like my eyes. I like the socks I'm wearing right now. I like... ugh
well that was quite the sum up......................... There's probably a whole lot of things I like, but I just can't right now. I should, should think positive, should like, but I just hate and hate.
And instead of thinking of stuff I just lay down and stop thinking. Why don't I think of solutions and interesting stuff like I used to.
I want to draw, but I can't cause I absolutely DO NOT want to draw any of those ugly ass dogs with their ugly ass anatomy that's totally up the ass. And I don't want to draw a single one of those superduperkawaiidesu bastard "manga" girls with their ugly as big sparkle eyes. I REFUSE. Thus I cannot draw, cause I can't draw anything else without it pissing me off cause I feel like I can't. Why can't I just be patient.
I wish I didn't waste so much time of my life just being angry and down.
I should stop wishing I was someone else, like Kai, cause I'm quite sure he doesn't have the perfect life everyone seems to have on the outside. I'm sure, he has, like everyone else, problems and shit stuff going on, and I'm sure he also feels angsty and sad and angry sometimes.
Why can't I just stop wishing I'd be someone else, and actually change what I want to change in ym life, what I think others have that I don't.
Since when did life become this.. hard.
- Niko
Na, xmas, was great and all, over nao. Hate how it's like WHOOO XMAAASS and the day after, you're just like fml xmas is over. Damn xmas.
Right now I just want to cry, I'm tired, angry, frustrated, stressed, sad, angsty, hating, restless and I have a headache. I just want to go die under some rock and never draw again. Never ever meet people again, never ever need to have shit talks with anyone again. I WANT ewfojwhkn and now demanded to make someone else a happy.
Easy task when you're feeling very happy yourself too, UGH.
I just feel like crap cause I hate myself for the moment. I hate my existence, I hate my hobbies, I hate my future, I hate my past, I hate just. blargh. Tired of everything.
I hate it how I can't draw anything except for the same shit I always draw. I hate I draw dogs and animals. I hate I draw "manga". I hate I can't draw anythign realistic cause I get frustrated. I hate I'm not Kai when it comes to drawing. I hate I don't draw everyday. I hate that I hate learning stuff. I hate that I feel this way now. I hate that I often feel this way, and I hate that I feel like I can't do about it and I hate that I by hating, not trying to do anything about anything cause I just thing everything's going to hell anyway. I hate I'm this way, inside and outside.
I should, and I probably will, try to even up all the hate by saying things I like, even if I don't like anything really atm. I just want to hate and eat and cry.
I like my body. I like my face, and I like my eyes. I like the socks I'm wearing right now. I like... ugh
well that was quite the sum up......................... There's probably a whole lot of things I like, but I just can't right now. I should, should think positive, should like, but I just hate and hate.
And instead of thinking of stuff I just lay down and stop thinking. Why don't I think of solutions and interesting stuff like I used to.
I want to draw, but I can't cause I absolutely DO NOT want to draw any of those ugly ass dogs with their ugly ass anatomy that's totally up the ass. And I don't want to draw a single one of those superduperkawaiidesu bastard "manga" girls with their ugly as big sparkle eyes. I REFUSE. Thus I cannot draw, cause I can't draw anything else without it pissing me off cause I feel like I can't. Why can't I just be patient.
I wish I didn't waste so much time of my life just being angry and down.
I should stop wishing I was someone else, like Kai, cause I'm quite sure he doesn't have the perfect life everyone seems to have on the outside. I'm sure, he has, like everyone else, problems and shit stuff going on, and I'm sure he also feels angsty and sad and angry sometimes.
Why can't I just stop wishing I'd be someone else, and actually change what I want to change in ym life, what I think others have that I don't.
Since when did life become this.. hard.
- Niko
December 15, 2011
Dino's and rhino's
Ahaha, forgive me and my last post. Sometimes, I just have to.
Today I feel like doing something, but I don't really know what, probably could wrap some shit up :'B It's soon x-mas u know so yeah. ABD I FEEL LIKE DRAWING oh my goooodd I so want to draw someshit, but I'm out of inspiration gahahaha.
Yesterday I went to Jeppis with my family, it was really nice, and I bought some stuff, some x-mas presents and a dvd for me, Princess Mononoke to be more precise :') Uuh. I didn't really get anything else. Some dried fruit things that weren't delish at all :'v
Oh golly all the people I should still buy presents for.. Mom&Dad, Maria, Kai, Jutta... Ghh. I'd need to go to jeppis but at the same time, I'd need to finish that painting I'm working on in school and man it's just a few days left to x-mas, fuck :'c OH WELL.
I might as well post a pic of that painting of mine. And oh, I also got pics of the grafiikka things we made in schools during the last few weeks~
Everything is frigging gorgeous, I know. And the painting pic is reaaaaal high quality phonecam pic, NOT. Uguu okay now I'll leave u gais, get a life and make shit happen YO
- Niko
Today I feel like doing something, but I don't really know what, probably could wrap some shit up :'B It's soon x-mas u know so yeah. ABD I FEEL LIKE DRAWING oh my goooodd I so want to draw someshit, but I'm out of inspiration gahahaha.
Yesterday I went to Jeppis with my family, it was really nice, and I bought some stuff, some x-mas presents and a dvd for me, Princess Mononoke to be more precise :') Uuh. I didn't really get anything else. Some dried fruit things that weren't delish at all :'v
Oh golly all the people I should still buy presents for.. Mom&Dad, Maria, Kai, Jutta... Ghh. I'd need to go to jeppis but at the same time, I'd need to finish that painting I'm working on in school and man it's just a few days left to x-mas, fuck :'c OH WELL.
I might as well post a pic of that painting of mine. And oh, I also got pics of the grafiikka things we made in schools during the last few weeks~
- Niko
December 8, 2011
ragequitangstdesunyawtf
aaaa wtf just a sec ago I was real happy with this shit, now I hate it wtfff
I can't.
My brains hurting, and I'd need to cry, but for some reason I'm stopping myself, i don't even know why I wan't to cry but us,jfdILgs
I can't.
My brains hurting, and I'd need to cry, but for some reason I'm stopping myself, i don't even know why I wan't to cry but us,jfdILgs
I'm so sick of just being able to draw whatever i'm able to draw; bad anatomy shit humans, dogish things and that's it. AND APPARENTLY EVERYTHING I DRAW IS MANGA. Or well it's either that I actually draw manga all the time THO I TRY AT TIMES NOT TO like srsly I do try! but still people are like ooh manga desu desu and I'm like NO I SRSLY TRIED or then people just have classed me as a person who can't draw anything but manga, so everything I draw is manga. Even shitty flowers would be manga, manga manga manga
why the fuck does manga exiiisstt aawwbwrhjn I hate this shit :'c why the fuck do I exist!?
AAaas sop tired of everything, why the fuck am I even writing thiss aaaa pouring shit out for people to read, this must be the greatest idea fucking ever.
AAaas sop tired of everything, why the fuck am I even writing thiss aaaa pouring shit out for people to read, this must be the greatest idea fucking ever.
I'm gonna stop now.
- Niko
December 4, 2011
Long weekend
Hhnnngg, feeling a bit hungry, nomnom. I can has bread.
Man, I miss my parents so much, luckily they're coming home in like.. 3 days öwö öwö öwö. ouch now my ear started hurting again, just a sec, gonna chop some leek.
wwiiee now i'm half deaf again. Okay uh so yeah, my ears are hurting cause they.. are. And Vallu read it helps to put leek in them so.. I did.
OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T OPENED MY CHOCO CALENDER YET aaaaahgghh I'll do it tomorrow..
I don't have school tomorrow btw :')))) And neither on tuesday, Finlands Independence Day. Whooh! Too bad I still have to get up early tomorrow, cause my sis has school and I have to wake her up.. Oh well, I can go back to sleep after that.
Ough, now my belly's in pain too...
Uuuh. I have really nothing to say. I haven't been up to anything special really, today I've been out with the dog, I've made chicken and noodles and after that I went to the store and bought stuff like cat food. Then I posted a new thread on a forum about me selling my Weed and ToHeart2 cosplays so.. hope someone's interested. I have no idea what prices I should have, cause I mean, the Weed costume is self mad,e but quite shitty but still, and I remember the fabrics being ridiculously expensive. then we have the seifuku, which i bought from Ippai, but they don't seem to have it anymore, so I can't check the price. But probably more than 20e................. I have no fucking idea.
TOMORROW THE PS3 MIGHT BE MINE. MUAHAHAHAHA. Yeah. Bitches.
Oh and did I tell you I have found a beautiful phone I want? hhrrr
Oh yeah bby.
Uuuh. I have nothing else really to saayy. I'm just gonna post a cute pic of me and I'm gone.
Man, I miss my parents so much, luckily they're coming home in like.. 3 days öwö öwö öwö. ouch now my ear started hurting again, just a sec, gonna chop some leek.
wwiiee now i'm half deaf again. Okay uh so yeah, my ears are hurting cause they.. are. And Vallu read it helps to put leek in them so.. I did.
OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T OPENED MY CHOCO CALENDER YET aaaaahgghh I'll do it tomorrow..
I don't have school tomorrow btw :')))) And neither on tuesday, Finlands Independence Day. Whooh! Too bad I still have to get up early tomorrow, cause my sis has school and I have to wake her up.. Oh well, I can go back to sleep after that.
Ough, now my belly's in pain too...
Uuuh. I have really nothing to say. I haven't been up to anything special really, today I've been out with the dog, I've made chicken and noodles and after that I went to the store and bought stuff like cat food. Then I posted a new thread on a forum about me selling my Weed and ToHeart2 cosplays so.. hope someone's interested. I have no idea what prices I should have, cause I mean, the Weed costume is self mad,e but quite shitty but still, and I remember the fabrics being ridiculously expensive. then we have the seifuku, which i bought from Ippai, but they don't seem to have it anymore, so I can't check the price. But probably more than 20e................. I have no fucking idea.
TOMORROW THE PS3 MIGHT BE MINE. MUAHAHAHAHA. Yeah. Bitches.
Oh and did I tell you I have found a beautiful phone I want? hhrrr
Uuuh. I have nothing else really to saayy. I'm just gonna post a cute pic of me and I'm gone.
NIGHT
- Niko
December 2, 2011
Fondu au Noir
Oh hi.
I got my computer back yesterday~ Tho when I opened it and turned it on I noticed this kind of big horrible thing...
They had changed my hard driver. Which means, all my pictures, files and programs are now gone. Every single piece of very important information, kapoosh. Gone. Didn't make me really happy.
The reason I sent it in for fixing was because of my fan, this is why I didn't copy everything to my Buffaloif, cause hey. They're gonna change a Fan, why the fuck would they touch my hard driver? I never even got informed about the fact my hard driver will be gone in the wind so that I could copy everything. They just took it, and destroyed it.
My computer is now also installed on Swedish, so I have to re-install it to turn it back to English. Why the fuck is all this shit happening?
Oh wait, I'm not done.
Today, when I was hurrying to an English test we had this morning, my bike broke. Or well, my dads bike. And I felt really bad, so not only was I angry cause we came late and my bike broke, but I also felt really shitty cause I had broken my DADS bike. I feel horrible... .__.;
My sis is at my grandma atm, so I'm enjoying a people free weekend. Until suddenly, my bro and his gf shows up and decides to sleep over. And drink. WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED!? I knew he was coming over to help me order my PS3 but he never said anything about partying and sleepovers. I'm a bit pissed, but okay...
So yeah, about the PS3, I almost own it. Buying it through a biding website so I .. Might get it ahahah, I'll have to see. Sent a message to the seller asking if I could buy it for the 170e I bid, haven't answered yet but.. Let's hope he says yes~ I have no idea if the PS I'm buying is good, but I'll just have to trust my bro on that.
uh.. what else.. Oh yeah, I finished that Euthanasia pic for my friends Amanda;
I'm so friggin proud.
I got my computer back yesterday~ Tho when I opened it and turned it on I noticed this kind of big horrible thing...
They had changed my hard driver. Which means, all my pictures, files and programs are now gone. Every single piece of very important information, kapoosh. Gone. Didn't make me really happy.
The reason I sent it in for fixing was because of my fan, this is why I didn't copy everything to my Buffaloif, cause hey. They're gonna change a Fan, why the fuck would they touch my hard driver? I never even got informed about the fact my hard driver will be gone in the wind so that I could copy everything. They just took it, and destroyed it.
My computer is now also installed on Swedish, so I have to re-install it to turn it back to English. Why the fuck is all this shit happening?
Oh wait, I'm not done.
Today, when I was hurrying to an English test we had this morning, my bike broke. Or well, my dads bike. And I felt really bad, so not only was I angry cause we came late and my bike broke, but I also felt really shitty cause I had broken my DADS bike. I feel horrible... .__.;
My sis is at my grandma atm, so I'm enjoying a people free weekend. Until suddenly, my bro and his gf shows up and decides to sleep over. And drink. WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED!? I knew he was coming over to help me order my PS3 but he never said anything about partying and sleepovers. I'm a bit pissed, but okay...
So yeah, about the PS3, I almost own it. Buying it through a biding website so I .. Might get it ahahah, I'll have to see. Sent a message to the seller asking if I could buy it for the 170e I bid, haven't answered yet but.. Let's hope he says yes~ I have no idea if the PS I'm buying is good, but I'll just have to trust my bro on that.
uh.. what else.. Oh yeah, I finished that Euthanasia pic for my friends Amanda;
I'm so friggin proud.
Currently working on a new blog for my class, should make the layout someday soon, but yeah.. Uh. Gonna continue watching TV now.
- Niko
November 23, 2011
Euthanasia
... I need something new to write about. Ideas? Anyone?
What would you gais like me to write bout? Help me out please. ö__öUh. For today then.. I haven't been doing much today. preparing mentally for mom and dad leaving tomorrow, they're going to Thailand. For more than one week. This house, is doomed. I don't think there even will be a house left when they come home, ahahah. No, but srsly.
So yeah, I'll be the one in charge of everything (HNNG) for sometime and it doesn't sound fun at all. I can just imagine all the stress, taking care of me AND my sister. And my dog. And my cats. And the house. DAMN THEM ALL! They're all over 10 years (in human years) BUT STILL CAN'T TAKWE CARE OF THEMSELVES PPFTT ttssshh HOUSE, y u no clean yourself!? DOG, y u no walk yourself!? Ahaha.
Uhm. My back is hurting. And it's cause i sit bad ahaha, and I'm not sitting in my right now making it even worse, noooo. I would neveeer! I'm so mean :'v
Oooh, here's a pic I'm working on (again, finally) and aaaahhh it's so much fun, too bad I have been way too tired today to continue it but whaatev. I think I'll be all alone almost all weekend so aaahhhhh own time, haven't had that for a loong time and it's gonna be so nice, quiet and peaceful and aahh. I love own time.
There was something else I was supposed to say but.. I can't remember. FUCK YEAH GREAT MEMORY. I feel like a.. turtle.
I should go to sleep. So that I can be creative and not snål tomorrow. aawwyyeah. Yeah on the catwalk. baby.
- Niko
November 21, 2011
SEVEN DAYS
ararara, I'm sorry I haven't made an interesting update for a looong time nao andand. I'm just out of everything.
I just feel really busy all the time tho I'm never really doing anything.. wwwhhaat. I suddenly have a life.. ö__ö
And I'm srsly getting tired of that goddamn list, so I'm just gonna post an answer to every topic that's left, 7 days that is, muehehe. And yeah. Give you guys something to read. maybe post some pics. I still haven't gotten my comp back so yyeah. i don't really have many pics, but I could import some pics from my cam, JUST FOR YOU. might do that.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
I can't really choose a favorite movie, but I can.. pick a few ones that I like and uh uh. I dunno. You know, they keep changing cause you watch new movies all the time and yeah. uuuh.
Where the Wild Things Are - I just love this movie cause it's so cute and .. I really like the soundtracks :''3 It's about this boy, who runs away from home cause he gets into an argument with his mom. He fins a boat and travels with it to an island where there are these big.. "monsters" that have their own problems and stuff, I can't really explain what it's.. actually about, cause I have no idea *dumbass* but it's really pretty and yeah.
Tokyo Gore Police etc. - AHAHA yes I am serious. I actually liek the Japanese B movies a lot, cause. most of them are just pure awesomeness :'D And Tokyo Gore Police was one of my first ones so, that's why i chose it. I also like The Machine Girl and.. other crappy movie ahaha. I'm not even gonna tell you guys what it's about cause.. yyeeah. just watch it. XD
Marie Antoinette - I have.. no idea if I wrote it wrong but whatever, awesome movie, awesome music, awesome everything.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Uuh.... Probably a lot of artist and .. talented people. They fascinate me, but at the same time, they make me so jealous I just want to.. explode. Sometimes I find peoples personalities fascinating too but yeah. A lot of simple things fascinate me to uh. yeah.
Uuh.... Probably a lot of artist and .. talented people. They fascinate me, but at the same time, they make me so jealous I just want to.. explode. Sometimes I find peoples personalities fascinating too but yeah. A lot of simple things fascinate me to uh. yeah.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
I'm kind of.. superficial, so really a person that attracts me could just be a really nice looking person, but they ofc have to be nice looking in my eyes but uh yeah. Often I don't come around to think of their personalities and stuff until like.. I've known them for years ahaha, srsly. I'm kind of cold :'v But yeah. A person I find interesting or nice looking or anything that catches my eye that is them on the outside attracts me.. Do I make sense?
I'm kind of.. superficial, so really a person that attracts me could just be a really nice looking person, but they ofc have to be nice looking in my eyes but uh yeah. Often I don't come around to think of their personalities and stuff until like.. I've known them for years ahaha, srsly. I'm kind of cold :'v But yeah. A person I find interesting or nice looking or anything that catches my eye that is them on the outside attracts me.. Do I make sense?
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
.. A problem I have had. I have had a lot of problems. Like probably everyone else too, I mean. a problem you've had could mean.. you didn't finish your homework or.. you didn't have time to go out with the dog or... anything really but uh. a problem that I've had, and still have, is not being happy with myself. I'm like.. never good enough and.. stuff like that. I'm never pretty enough, or smart enough, or lucky enough. And, i suppose that's kind of a problem, cause it can make me really down. For example if I've been eating a lot and I imagine my legs being much fatter than the day before, that becomes a huge issue for me and I feel HORRIBLE. I can just be down all day and hate myself, and eat more and my problem just gets worse and uh yeah.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
I miss summer. I miss the years I have wasted, when I could've done something. I miss.. being a child. Not needing to worry about the future, or decide what you're gonna study and what you're gonna start working with. I miss the inspiration I had when I was younger. I miss my self confidence that I once had. I miss not liking cosplay and cons as much as before. I miss being me.
I miss summer. I miss the years I have wasted, when I could've done something. I miss.. being a child. Not needing to worry about the future, or decide what you're gonna study and what you're gonna start working with. I miss the inspiration I had when I was younger. I miss my self confidence that I once had. I miss not liking cosplay and cons as much as before. I miss being me.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
.. None. Which is more than just sad. It's.. Not good at all. dtwfhjlak
.. None. Which is more than just sad. It's.. Not good at all. dtwfhjlak
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.
uuuh. I can't really figure anything out. it's just been.. nothing special. Feels like the past 3 weeks have all been the same kind of... something. Something same.
ANS THERE. Done. MUEHE. wonderful. Now I want to do something awesome.
And oh my god I love zodiacs cause, sometimes they make you realize stuff and.. They might change stuff and make you think happier.
- Niko
uuuh. I can't really figure anything out. it's just been.. nothing special. Feels like the past 3 weeks have all been the same kind of... something. Something same.
ANS THERE. Done. MUEHE. wonderful. Now I want to do something awesome.
And oh my god I love zodiacs cause, sometimes they make you realize stuff and.. They might change stuff and make you think happier.
- Niko
November 15, 2011
PENIS ENLARGEMENT
ahahaha today I got my first penis enlargement email, I feel cool. And I shouldn't actually be on the internet, but I still am. And Agnes Obel is amazing. once again.
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Srsly, I don't really know many guys who are famous that I find attractive. maybe like.. Johnny Depp or someshit but that's like it. I just don't.. see a lot of famous guys ahahaha :'D
I don't have anything to really say, i just feel like I need to fucking update for once. On last friday I went to buy some pants, and I came back with a pair of purple pants, blue ones, normal ones and black ones + a white.. sweater.. ?? something. aanndduuh. Yesterday I bought tickets for Dance of the vampires, which I'm gonna go watch with Jenni, yaaay~ Uuum.. I haven't done much besides that. I've been watching TV and that's it.
I feel even more inspired to get money and buy a PS3 than even before.. AND DO OTHER STUFF I feel so.. fhuakj wants to do everything but right now I srsly have to finish that Egypt thing THAT I DIDN'T WORK ON YESTERDAY OR THE WEEKEND. *angryface at myself* gah, i'm so hopeless.
Anyway so yeah. uh. I suppose that's that for now. It's interesting how I always want to do so many other things when i ahve something I have to do.. Why can't I find the inspiration without stress? THERE MUST BE A WAY!
- Niko
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Srsly, I don't really know many guys who are famous that I find attractive. maybe like.. Johnny Depp or someshit but that's like it. I just don't.. see a lot of famous guys ahahaha :'D
I don't have anything to really say, i just feel like I need to fucking update for once. On last friday I went to buy some pants, and I came back with a pair of purple pants, blue ones, normal ones and black ones + a white.. sweater.. ?? something. aanndduuh. Yesterday I bought tickets for Dance of the vampires, which I'm gonna go watch with Jenni, yaaay~ Uuum.. I haven't done much besides that. I've been watching TV and that's it.
I feel even more inspired to get money and buy a PS3 than even before.. AND DO OTHER STUFF I feel so.. fhuakj wants to do everything but right now I srsly have to finish that Egypt thing THAT I DIDN'T WORK ON YESTERDAY OR THE WEEKEND. *angryface at myself* gah, i'm so hopeless.
Anyway so yeah. uh. I suppose that's that for now. It's interesting how I always want to do so many other things when i ahve something I have to do.. Why can't I find the inspiration without stress? THERE MUST BE A WAY!
- Niko
November 9, 2011
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Oh yeah, now you suddenly just write in your blog after abandoning all your wonderful readers for forever. yeah, you think you can just.. WALK IN and do that? Yeah? YEAH?
Actually yes, I think I can do that~ MY BLOG AFTER ALL, MUEHEHE
Okay, admittedly, it was a bit mean to tell you why I haven't been around, but the reason is, like I said in my last entry, my computer had been fucking around so I put it on fixing, and it's not done yet, but I've been borrow Valter's comp, with limited internet access not to waste my time. But this morning I feel I have the right to waste some time on my blog cause my bloggu is rabu rabu. Ahaha, what.
Listening to some reeeally random and shitty k-pop atm.. wtf even is this. Ugh.
I had this really annoyingly scary dream last night, woke up 2:30 hoping it to be 6am instead, cause then I could've gotten up but no, i had to go back to sleep with all the creepy shit going on in my head. I noticed my mom was still awake so I went to sleep with her, that's how fucked up i was in the middle of the night. Before I fell asleep I also cried. SRSLY. My god I hate horror movies from now on ;;__;; The dream in it self was kind of stupid but ofc I had to be really like.. daring or whatever, so i totally challenged all the bad spirits and ghosts and monsters and and. yeah, so the dream pretty much ended like.. i had just gotten home and my mom was cleaning and my dog was like lying but it looked like someone was moving her around. My mom said that it was normal, she was walking around by her self, but I insisted that there was definitely something wrong and tried to hold my dog AND OMGF iehusbik That feeling when I was holding her. IT WAS SO REAL. You know if you ever tried holding someone when someone else tries to pull them away? Okay well yeah. And then i tried to pull her loose from the spirit, ghost, demon whatevers grip and ofc it's becomes really angry, or so I think. This is the part where I wake up. SO RIGHT THEN, I WAS IN DEEP FUCKING SHIT cause every fucking monster ever existed HATES ME so bad they just want to fucking rip my brains out. That's what haunting me. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Okay well yeah. I tried to think of calm shit but they invaded everything I though of and I was so scared someone would pull me out of my bed, or I'd hear some steps or Aserdtgfhuef SHITT i'm flipping right now and ohmygod my cat scared me Fdtyaguiefhojggghh goooooddd. i'll just okay quit thinking..
It's very beautiful outside atm.. I like that~
Okay, let's answer todays queestiooneee~
Um.. i have changed in many ways I suppose? I have probably become less selfish. And more flipped and fucked in the head ahaha. I have definitely become smarter and.. prettier. I have thinner legs, which I fucking looove. I'm a better drawer, tho I still want tgo improve. LOTSOO. Um, well ofc I have ages, and I've gotten new friends and changed schools~ I have definitely also become a whole lots weirder, and I think I might.. laugh more than I used to? I also have more of a life than I used to! Stuff that hasn't changed tho is the fact that i'm still as stressed as before, I NEVER LEARN TO ACTUALLY DO STUFF :''DD fff. Okay but I think I'm handling it better than before? I haven't flipped or started crying yet ahaha. okay that's prolly cause it's not as strict in my new school as it was in my old one.. FFFUUU-. Yes I have indeed also become a bad student .'c Skipping classes and shit,yoyo. ahaha well not really but yeah, we're so.. loose in my new school. It's fucking maaad.
Oh. I think I'm done! Fuck yeah, now I'll maybe try to write some more on my essay before going to school~ OOH and I finished this comic, I want to show it to you already all though it's not the official version cause I had to take a pic with my cam cause I don't have my computer and I have the scanner stuff installed on it but not this one so yyeah. But yeah, here you go~ BASED ON TRUE HAPPENINGS nyahahaha~
Actually yes, I think I can do that~ MY BLOG AFTER ALL, MUEHEHE
Okay, admittedly, it was a bit mean to tell you why I haven't been around, but the reason is, like I said in my last entry, my computer had been fucking around so I put it on fixing, and it's not done yet, but I've been borrow Valter's comp, with limited internet access not to waste my time. But this morning I feel I have the right to waste some time on my blog cause my bloggu is rabu rabu. Ahaha, what.
Listening to some reeeally random and shitty k-pop atm.. wtf even is this. Ugh.
I had this really annoyingly scary dream last night, woke up 2:30 hoping it to be 6am instead, cause then I could've gotten up but no, i had to go back to sleep with all the creepy shit going on in my head. I noticed my mom was still awake so I went to sleep with her, that's how fucked up i was in the middle of the night. Before I fell asleep I also cried. SRSLY. My god I hate horror movies from now on ;;__;; The dream in it self was kind of stupid but ofc I had to be really like.. daring or whatever, so i totally challenged all the bad spirits and ghosts and monsters and and. yeah, so the dream pretty much ended like.. i had just gotten home and my mom was cleaning and my dog was like lying but it looked like someone was moving her around. My mom said that it was normal, she was walking around by her self, but I insisted that there was definitely something wrong and tried to hold my dog AND OMGF iehusbik That feeling when I was holding her. IT WAS SO REAL. You know if you ever tried holding someone when someone else tries to pull them away? Okay well yeah. And then i tried to pull her loose from the spirit, ghost, demon whatevers grip and ofc it's becomes really angry, or so I think. This is the part where I wake up. SO RIGHT THEN, I WAS IN DEEP FUCKING SHIT cause every fucking monster ever existed HATES ME so bad they just want to fucking rip my brains out. That's what haunting me. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Okay well yeah. I tried to think of calm shit but they invaded everything I though of and I was so scared someone would pull me out of my bed, or I'd hear some steps or Aserdtgfhuef SHITT i'm flipping right now and ohmygod my cat scared me Fdtyaguiefhojggghh goooooddd. i'll just okay quit thinking..
It's very beautiful outside atm.. I like that~
Okay, let's answer todays queestiooneee~
Um.. i have changed in many ways I suppose? I have probably become less selfish. And more flipped and fucked in the head ahaha. I have definitely become smarter and.. prettier. I have thinner legs, which I fucking looove. I'm a better drawer, tho I still want tgo improve. LOTSOO. Um, well ofc I have ages, and I've gotten new friends and changed schools~ I have definitely also become a whole lots weirder, and I think I might.. laugh more than I used to? I also have more of a life than I used to! Stuff that hasn't changed tho is the fact that i'm still as stressed as before, I NEVER LEARN TO ACTUALLY DO STUFF :''DD fff. Okay but I think I'm handling it better than before? I haven't flipped or started crying yet ahaha. okay that's prolly cause it's not as strict in my new school as it was in my old one.. FFFUUU-. Yes I have indeed also become a bad student .'c Skipping classes and shit,yoyo. ahaha well not really but yeah, we're so.. loose in my new school. It's fucking maaad.
Oh. I think I'm done! Fuck yeah, now I'll maybe try to write some more on my essay before going to school~ OOH and I finished this comic, I want to show it to you already all though it's not the official version cause I had to take a pic with my cam cause I don't have my computer and I have the scanner stuff installed on it but not this one so yyeah. But yeah, here you go~ BASED ON TRUE HAPPENINGS nyahahaha~
Okay peace out gaiis, have a nice day and a night without nightmares~
- Niko
October 31, 2011
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows
30.10.2011 - Day 20 - How important you think education is.
But I probably will.
Ahaha. Such a random Saturday evening.. Oh the joy. Tho in the end I was just cold and tired and cold.. and tired. And high on being tired. Oh well. It was fun. Ooohh and Vallu turned 18 on.. Saturday! So yaaay
Hng, I think I’m going back to seventh grade. So not appropriate for what just was but.. Yeah. I’m totally going back to how I was on seventh grade, whether I want to or not. It’s like.. First of all, I’m all down and shit. Secondly, school doesn’t interest me AT ALL. I’m not doing homework for shit, I don’t listen for shit, I don’t do what we’re supposed to for shit, and tomorrow I will fail the first test we have on first grade of bildartesan. So.. awesome. I absolutely do not feel like being around in school, neither do i feel like being at home, cause.. it’s home. If I’m not in school, they’re gonna complain about it and.. if I’m in school ugh. well I don’t feel any better. I just want an quite room somewhere where no one gives a fuck so that I could calm the fuck down and get a grip of everything. hhnng. Why is this so hard. Oh my god. I so want to explain how I feel to one of my aunts and go live with her until i feel better, tho I have no idea how she’s holding up right now, so.. I don’t think that’s a good idea really. I doubt I’d dare do it anyway. But I can still see that image in my head, me going there with a big bag, without telling my parents where I went, and of course it’s raining, the perfect weather for this. And then I ring her door bell, all soaked and stuff, and she opens and she’s like oh my gaawwd come in u look .. something, whatever she says and I’m like burst out in tears or already crying and then we go in and I explain stuff and get hot chocolate and then I fall asleep on the couch and it’s cozy and shit and she probably calls my mom and is like calm it, she’s here but yoyo let her be here a bit and she’d prolly explain some things, but I doubt she’d say everything. Or. Maybe. I don’t know yet. Okay, she’d probably tell my mom but.. uh. idk. Hng, whatever. But yeah, it’d be coolioo.
But yyeaaah, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, I don’t want to fail that test, which I will, cause.. I’m like. I dunno. Actually I don’t feel shit enough to care, I suppose I’m just so masochistic I love hurting myself like this until I feel shit enough not to care. I’m a horrible person, against myself.
There’s nothing actually bad about feeling down, except the fact that I’m feeling down, but as long as I’m down enough, I won’t mind. But uuh, the only thing actually bad about it is that when in a relationship, the other partner will suffer. Why didn’t I know this. I do now tho, and it’s.. probably the only thing that I find painful in me being down, cause Vallu feels so shit when I feel shit. This has never before happened to me, cause I have never had anyone this close that would hear me complain and be with me often enough to see how I feel and that would care enough to feel bad when I do. It’s so much nicer with those friends, who don’t actually give a shit, cause your like buhuhuh fml and they’re like yeah yeah u’ll be fine and that’s it. No one will feel anything. It’s so easy.
But uh, another thing about me feeling bad, I probably don’t feel as bad as I seem to feel, I probably just attention whore a lot, cause.. I just do. I had this smart thought about all this but I have no forgotten what it was... Oh well, something about me attention whoring and hating myself cause I can’t be neutral against myself, I either like or dislike myself. and like. I could actually quite easily get rid of all the stuff that makes me feel down, but that would be pointless cause I’d still not like myself. I don’t need help with no depression, I need help with liking myself. I supposed I’m so used to disliking myself that I don’t really care anymore, I don’t feel liek I need to do anything about anything cause nothing matters. Okay, that’s not what I actually think but. I just.. wwhhhattevveerr.
31.10.11
But I probably will.
Ahaha. Such a random Saturday evening.. Oh the joy. Tho in the end I was just cold and tired and cold.. and tired. And high on being tired. Oh well. It was fun. Ooohh and Vallu turned 18 on.. Saturday! So yaaay
Hng, I think I’m going back to seventh grade. So not appropriate for what just was but.. Yeah. I’m totally going back to how I was on seventh grade, whether I want to or not. It’s like.. First of all, I’m all down and shit. Secondly, school doesn’t interest me AT ALL. I’m not doing homework for shit, I don’t listen for shit, I don’t do what we’re supposed to for shit, and tomorrow I will fail the first test we have on first grade of bildartesan. So.. awesome. I absolutely do not feel like being around in school, neither do i feel like being at home, cause.. it’s home. If I’m not in school, they’re gonna complain about it and.. if I’m in school ugh. well I don’t feel any better. I just want an quite room somewhere where no one gives a fuck so that I could calm the fuck down and get a grip of everything. hhnng. Why is this so hard. Oh my god. I so want to explain how I feel to one of my aunts and go live with her until i feel better, tho I have no idea how she’s holding up right now, so.. I don’t think that’s a good idea really. I doubt I’d dare do it anyway. But I can still see that image in my head, me going there with a big bag, without telling my parents where I went, and of course it’s raining, the perfect weather for this. And then I ring her door bell, all soaked and stuff, and she opens and she’s like oh my gaawwd come in u look .. something, whatever she says and I’m like burst out in tears or already crying and then we go in and I explain stuff and get hot chocolate and then I fall asleep on the couch and it’s cozy and shit and she probably calls my mom and is like calm it, she’s here but yoyo let her be here a bit and she’d prolly explain some things, but I doubt she’d say everything. Or. Maybe. I don’t know yet. Okay, she’d probably tell my mom but.. uh. idk. Hng, whatever. But yeah, it’d be coolioo.
But yyeaaah, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, I don’t want to fail that test, which I will, cause.. I’m like. I dunno. Actually I don’t feel shit enough to care, I suppose I’m just so masochistic I love hurting myself like this until I feel shit enough not to care. I’m a horrible person, against myself.
There’s nothing actually bad about feeling down, except the fact that I’m feeling down, but as long as I’m down enough, I won’t mind. But uuh, the only thing actually bad about it is that when in a relationship, the other partner will suffer. Why didn’t I know this. I do now tho, and it’s.. probably the only thing that I find painful in me being down, cause Vallu feels so shit when I feel shit. This has never before happened to me, cause I have never had anyone this close that would hear me complain and be with me often enough to see how I feel and that would care enough to feel bad when I do. It’s so much nicer with those friends, who don’t actually give a shit, cause your like buhuhuh fml and they’re like yeah yeah u’ll be fine and that’s it. No one will feel anything. It’s so easy.
But uh, another thing about me feeling bad, I probably don’t feel as bad as I seem to feel, I probably just attention whore a lot, cause.. I just do. I had this smart thought about all this but I have no forgotten what it was... Oh well, something about me attention whoring and hating myself cause I can’t be neutral against myself, I either like or dislike myself. and like. I could actually quite easily get rid of all the stuff that makes me feel down, but that would be pointless cause I’d still not like myself. I don’t need help with no depression, I need help with liking myself. I supposed I’m so used to disliking myself that I don’t really care anymore, I don’t feel liek I need to do anything about anything cause nothing matters. Okay, that’s not what I actually think but. I just.. wwhhhattevveerr.
31.10.11
Aahhhh hii. My computer is being a bitch again, I'll probably have to leave it in for.. fixing like.. sooon. Cause it's srsly dying.
Uuuh. I don't have much to say about today. Most of the day I've just been pissed or sad or felt.. whatever negative. And right now I feel like throwing my computer into the wall and just shouting and .. something. Uhh. Why does some things just have to be so hard.
My dog's been lying in my bed so i'll probably die tonight, cause .. breathing will be a problem. Also my eyes will be red like shiiit when I wake up. probably. Too tired to change duh lakanat. Oohh hhng suddenly a song that makes you feel... warm. Like summery. But then you realize it's winter and you're like fuuk. Okay, I'll try to.. make sense or something.
Todays subjeectt uuh. One of my favorite shows. Like, TV shows, probably Misfits or House or.. something. Some older ones that I also like are Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena, ssooo awesome. Okay I have seriously nothing to say. Or well I have but I have this.. feeling, I can't write about it. Whatever.
- Niko
Uuuh. I don't have much to say about today. Most of the day I've just been pissed or sad or felt.. whatever negative. And right now I feel like throwing my computer into the wall and just shouting and .. something. Uhh. Why does some things just have to be so hard.
My dog's been lying in my bed so i'll probably die tonight, cause .. breathing will be a problem. Also my eyes will be red like shiiit when I wake up. probably. Too tired to change duh lakanat. Oohh hhng suddenly a song that makes you feel... warm. Like summery. But then you realize it's winter and you're like fuuk. Okay, I'll try to.. make sense or something.
Todays subjeectt uuh. One of my favorite shows. Like, TV shows, probably Misfits or House or.. something. Some older ones that I also like are Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena, ssooo awesome. Okay I have seriously nothing to say. Or well I have but I have this.. feeling, I can't write about it. Whatever.
- Niko
October 27, 2011
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
The pace was finally becoming closer to normal, she was getting calmer. The redhead leaned against the kitchen table with her left hand and wiped off some blood from her cheek with her other hand. Calm, calm.
Hnngg. Interesting how I can't stand Animelehti. Whenever I notice I've got it in the mail I'm like FUCK YEAH but then before even beginning to read it, I just wanna.. tear it into peaces and throw it away, hide it and never need to look at it. CAN I BE JEaLOUS OF EVEN ANIMELEHTI whaaaat is going on in my life. No srsly, I can't stand animelehti cause I'm afraid (or I think atleast that's the case..) of finding stuff there that I can't stand (= pretty much everything ahaha) but it's.. I have a love hate relationship with everything.
Been listening to Depeche Mode "Wrong" past few days. So me.
- Niko
The sudden cough made her "calm" disappear. She took a few heavy breaths, then turned around to look at the bare feet, the long legs on the floor. Everything else was covered by the end of the kitchen table, so she slowly took a few steps towards the body, to see what was going on.
Her glance was met by a slightly confused, a bit drugged looking pair of eyes, staring up at her while blood was running down the victims dimple. The girl on the floor made a gurgling sound and more blood poured from her mouth.
Ugh. Gross. The redhead took a step over the soon to be dead body and crotched down to be able to hear the poor girl last words. Bloody gurgles again, some coughing.
- Hgg.. That was a bit .. sudden.. don't you.. think..?
The girl on the floor smiled a bit, followed by yet some more gurgles. The redhead just wanted to stab this bitch to death, this was getting a bit too gross.
- .. Interesting.. stuff turned out.. gurgl.. like this.. we were once .. best friends.. now suddenly.. *cough* .. I die, stabbed.. in my own.. kitchen.., she was still smiling. The redhead hated that smile, oh how she did. But this was indeed quite an interesting situation, more than it was supposed to be. But it'd soon be over.
She pulled out a knife that was still smeared with blood, held it with both her hands. She took one last look at the girl under her hands, she was still smiling. Oh how this filled her with anger and without hesitation she stabbed her, hard. Many many times. To make sure this time, she wouldn't come back gurgling for her. She'd stay dead, as dead as a dead person can be.
After about 10 stabs she stopped. Sat there beside the gory view of what once was a very pretty young girl.
Ugh wtf this storything came to me as I was doing other stuff today but then it jsut pooped and now it's shit, fuck that.
.. Todays thing, I don't get it. Is it a question or what? I'm not gonna do anything about that then :'v
Hnngg. Interesting how I can't stand Animelehti. Whenever I notice I've got it in the mail I'm like FUCK YEAH but then before even beginning to read it, I just wanna.. tear it into peaces and throw it away, hide it and never need to look at it. CAN I BE JEaLOUS OF EVEN ANIMELEHTI whaaaat is going on in my life. No srsly, I can't stand animelehti cause I'm afraid (or I think atleast that's the case..) of finding stuff there that I can't stand (= pretty much everything ahaha) but it's.. I have a love hate relationship with everything.
Uh. At first, when I came to my new school, I was ofc excited and ridiculously nervous. Then I got friends and then everything seemed chill and nice and stuff was just awesome and it felt like I had finally come to a school that I'd like. Now, I don't think I belong there at all. I'm actually really uncomfy being there. It's not the people, it's not the teachers, it's not the things we do, it's just me. I don't think that's a good school for me, I feel extremely out of place cause.. maybe I'm not interested in art? I mean. As watching the Italy thing the third graders had today, I was just like holy fucks, how the fuck do they care a bout all this shit art that doesn't really seem interesting at all. It's like when I shop clothes, or anything else. I don't walk around there for many hours and look through everything. I walk in, take a quick toll through the shop and stop at places where I think I see something nice, then I get out, and I've noticed almost all my other friends don't do this, they spend so much more time looking at everything. Okay back to the art thing, so yeah. I can't say I'm really interested at all in checking out stuff on exhibitions, and I don't really think Gogh or someone else is that cool / interesting / inspiring, whatever, and I just feel like I don't belong, at all. Maybe something else is supposed to be the passion of my life. Or maybe I'm supposed to have art as a hobby and just be some n00b shit and work at a office or someshit. No but srsly. I don't give a fuck. And I kind of feel bad, yet not.
Also another thing, that kind of also have to do with these feelings, or well they're somehow connected, is the fact that I have this urge to get away from all people and everything. I want a very tiny apartment in some big / semi big town where I can just sit all by myself, listen to music, look at the rain or whatever shit going on outside, the bypassing cars and people. I wouldn't have to do anything, wouldn't have to be anywhere, wouldn't have to meet anyone, and I'd have a siwa or something like right across the street. And then, I'd never need to go out anywhere and be with anyone like ever. I'd have my comp, my kittens and my hobbies. I'd probably become fat, but like hell I'll ever be happy with myself, might as well. So yeah, I'd like to not need to go anywhere or do anything. I don't want to be anywhere, I don't want to be with anyone. Leave me to be.
Also another thing, that kind of also have to do with these feelings, or well they're somehow connected, is the fact that I have this urge to get away from all people and everything. I want a very tiny apartment in some big / semi big town where I can just sit all by myself, listen to music, look at the rain or whatever shit going on outside, the bypassing cars and people. I wouldn't have to do anything, wouldn't have to be anywhere, wouldn't have to meet anyone, and I'd have a siwa or something like right across the street. And then, I'd never need to go out anywhere and be with anyone like ever. I'd have my comp, my kittens and my hobbies. I'd probably become fat, but like hell I'll ever be happy with myself, might as well. So yeah, I'd like to not need to go anywhere or do anything. I don't want to be anywhere, I don't want to be with anyone. Leave me to be.
Been listening to Depeche Mode "Wrong" past few days. So me.
- Niko
October 26, 2011
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Whhaaat. Feels like I've already written about something like that? Oh, it was my views on religion. Uh, almost same thing but hey, I'll just quickly explain this, mmkaay.
Okay so my beliefs uh. I don't believe in Jesus or God or the Bible shit or any other made up God creature that we humans have created. I believe in the universe, I might believe in destiny, a bit, I believe in coincidence and luck and I somewhat believe that we all have some kind of life plan and a place in life, ahaha. Or well, I think that way to depress myself even more. But yeah, I believe that there is some kind of a higher might and well ocf, we humans are such tiny creatures when thinking how big everything is so yeah, I believe in the universe, I believe in thoughts.
Hng, today we finally finished that short film we've been working real hard on for 3 days now, it's about 5½min long and.. I wont be showing it ahaha. It'll be shown in school, then forgotten and rotten away. But yeah, it became much better than expected and I'm reeeally happy with it. So yeah, today I've lived on energy drinks and sugar, wuhuu.
Uh, I don't have much more to say. I'll just... Continue feeling like this and and. try to do something.
Small update, I know. Hng.
- Niko
Okay so my beliefs uh. I don't believe in Jesus or God or the Bible shit or any other made up God creature that we humans have created. I believe in the universe, I might believe in destiny, a bit, I believe in coincidence and luck and I somewhat believe that we all have some kind of life plan and a place in life, ahaha. Or well, I think that way to depress myself even more. But yeah, I believe that there is some kind of a higher might and well ocf, we humans are such tiny creatures when thinking how big everything is so yeah, I believe in the universe, I believe in thoughts.
Hng, today we finally finished that short film we've been working real hard on for 3 days now, it's about 5½min long and.. I wont be showing it ahaha. It'll be shown in school, then forgotten and rotten away. But yeah, it became much better than expected and I'm reeeally happy with it. So yeah, today I've lived on energy drinks and sugar, wuhuu.
Uh, I don't have much more to say. I'll just... Continue feeling like this and and. try to do something.
Small update, I know. Hng.
October 24, 2011
Bullshit.
I just have to write right now cause I just feel so shitty and I.. don't know what else to do. But I'll start with a few other things I've had in mind.
Uh okay and now on to what I was actually supposed to write about. I just feel so shit atm cause I just can't stand myself being so... not good enough at anything. Today on zumba, I was scared as fuck to dance cause no one told me omg hana you move your body so niiiiicee and apparently I have to be told that to feel secure cause now I felt that I was just making a fool of myself cause everyone else was dancing much better than I was. That's the feeling I got, and that's the feeling I still have, no matter what anyone tells me, that feeling will stick. Uh and another thing that made me realize how shit I actually feel about myself is this mini contest about two mini paintings by bokkei, I couldn't enter cause I don't think I have a damn chance to win. "Why would she ever pick me, I have no fucking reasons to win anything so awesome" I told myself. That's the reason I never enter contests, they scare me cause I know (or well I can't know) that I'll never win anything. And, I can't really say that I hope that it's not true, that I'm not that shitty, cause in a way I hope I really am that shitty cause I wouldn't need to even try to change my ways of thinking. I'm just so tired of even trying.
Uh. yeah, that's just what I wanted to say. I'll just go angst somewhere now.
- Niko
I absolutely hate it when people say things like "Oh my goood you're so good at drawing animals! Wish I was that good tooo but I dunno shiiit brooo!". Okay well gee thanks for all that but I don't actually know how to draw animals for shit either. I mean, I pretty much just draw canines, canines with horrible anatomy cause I've never bothered to learn how to draw them for real, I've just been drawing that shit of manga stuff I call it, thus it's anatomy is all fucked up. It's nothing close to what a real thing looks like, might look good to you but it isn't so I don't want to hear that crap. And yes, that's pretty much the animals I "can" draw. I can't draw cats, I can't draw horses, nor can I draw turtles. So no, I really can't draw animals.
Secondly, you shouldn't be jealous of this skill, it has pretty much just brought a whole lot of shit into my life, made it even worse than it was. Except for the fact that I met Kai but hey that's about it. I've just been dissed cause I only keep drawing dogs and manga and all that shit, people hate it. And if I wouldn't have started drawing that shit, I'd probably still draw realistic stuff, like I did in the past. I used to copy all the real shit I could find in our house; our cat's, our fireplace, our house, some trees and flowers and stuff like that, but for some reason I seem to have stopped doing so. or well not actually, the interest just decreased a bit, I still liked drawing but I didn't really know how to do it, but yeah, I liked it, and I drew in school and all that. So, maybe I'd be fucking awesome on realistic stuff now, which I'd prolly have more use of than this bullcrap of dogs I draw now. I mean, yeah I had a dream to become an mangaka, fuck that's the only reason I stuck to manga, but I have realized it'll never come true and .. everything is just stupid about this shit. And it annoys me that I'm so stuck in stuff I can't change, cause I hate myself so much for them mistakes I made, that I can't fucking move on and progress, I can't become better for shit and actually learn. I just pity myself for something I don't have cause I don't think I'll ever achieve it.
There is one thing in the universe that i'd like to have, and that's eternal life. Like seriously, think of all the stuff I could do with that. I could do everything. Eternal life is like the ultimate solution to everything. By living for forever I could learn all the things I wont be able to learn during my life now, I could become what I want to become and I could do everything I'd like to do, it'd be awesome. But, I'm not still quite sure whether I'd like to be able to kill myself or not, cause.. I might kill myself too early, by not being able to even commit suicide I'd have to push through things instead of giving up and just dying, that'd be so cool.
It's interesting how realizations in the past meant so much to me, they made me think and reconsider and and shit like that, they made me change stuff, but realizations these days just come.. and then they go, and nothing happens. Nothing changes. I just realize stuff and then it's like hm okay interesting but I won't do anything about it. .. wait does this mean my situation has gotten worse? ooh fuck.
Okay and then quickly the day thing, can't remember the fuck day it is but it's the highs and lows of this year. uuuh.
There is one thing in the universe that i'd like to have, and that's eternal life. Like seriously, think of all the stuff I could do with that. I could do everything. Eternal life is like the ultimate solution to everything. By living for forever I could learn all the things I wont be able to learn during my life now, I could become what I want to become and I could do everything I'd like to do, it'd be awesome. But, I'm not still quite sure whether I'd like to be able to kill myself or not, cause.. I might kill myself too early, by not being able to even commit suicide I'd have to push through things instead of giving up and just dying, that'd be so cool.
It's interesting how realizations in the past meant so much to me, they made me think and reconsider and and shit like that, they made me change stuff, but realizations these days just come.. and then they go, and nothing happens. Nothing changes. I just realize stuff and then it's like hm okay interesting but I won't do anything about it. .. wait does this mean my situation has gotten worse? ooh fuck.
Okay and then quickly the day thing, can't remember the fuck day it is but it's the highs and lows of this year. uuuh.
+ Vallu
+ Getting to see Yoshihiro Takahashi
+ Finishing school.. ?
+ Finishing school.. ?
- All the negative shit that's just becoming worse
- Winter.
Uh okay and now on to what I was actually supposed to write about. I just feel so shit atm cause I just can't stand myself being so... not good enough at anything. Today on zumba, I was scared as fuck to dance cause no one told me omg hana you move your body so niiiiicee and apparently I have to be told that to feel secure cause now I felt that I was just making a fool of myself cause everyone else was dancing much better than I was. That's the feeling I got, and that's the feeling I still have, no matter what anyone tells me, that feeling will stick. Uh and another thing that made me realize how shit I actually feel about myself is this mini contest about two mini paintings by bokkei, I couldn't enter cause I don't think I have a damn chance to win. "Why would she ever pick me, I have no fucking reasons to win anything so awesome" I told myself. That's the reason I never enter contests, they scare me cause I know (or well I can't know) that I'll never win anything. And, I can't really say that I hope that it's not true, that I'm not that shitty, cause in a way I hope I really am that shitty cause I wouldn't need to even try to change my ways of thinking. I'm just so tired of even trying.
Uh. yeah, that's just what I wanted to say. I'll just go angst somewhere now.
- Niko
October 16, 2011
SSUUPP?? [day 16 muehheheh]
HAAII u gaaaiiis ♥ sorry I have been terribly boring and inactive lately, my heads just been a mess and there's been so much that I need to get done (still is but hey, it's okay!). BUT now I'm gonna try to write a proper blog post, I'm gonna tell you about the dream I had..
Anyway, first things first!
Day 15 - Your favourite tumblrs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Why I skipped the favorite tumblr thing is cause.. I don't really use tumblr that much and everyone I'm following are like.. favorite tumblrs cause there's just a few of them and I wouldn't follow them if they didn't post awsm shit u know so uh yeah.I'll skip that one and do the nextt onnee..
My views on mainstream music.. uh, is that like.. Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, ... Rihanna? pr what? cause if it is then, okay. Um. I usually don't listen to mainstream music the way I listen to "my music" I mean, I don't like, get all their cds and constantly listen to their songs but I like all kinds of music so ofc I can listen to some of their songs sometimes, and I mean, they mostly make quite good music too, I mean like.. Rihanna and shiet, she makes music that makes me wanna dance, and I liek dancing so.. why not? So.. I don't have anything against mainstream music, it's still just music and .. it's just like all the other music in the world. It can be good, might be reeeaally good or then total shit. The fact that it's mainstream doesn't change it. Still just music.
Yaaaay. And now onto telling bout my dreaaam. So uh. I have no idea why the fuck, but apparently me and some of my friends and some random people had climbed up to some cabin in the middle of the woods on some kind of a .. hill, mountain thing, it was rally hard to get up there and shit. I can't really remember what we did but there were some bears that got reeeeally pissed of and we became like hostages inside the cabin cause at one part me and my friend tried to sneak out and get help but the bears were liek GRROOAST6yghbakwlknhjak >:''BBBBBBBBBBB and we ran back into the cabin. I think at some point, our groups parted and tried to get down from the mountain hill thing from different sides and me and one of my friends got away and I think we got into town or something? Then at some part I lost her and.. I dunno really what happened, it was stupid :'D But the bears were really scary :''c
Okay, I'll go eat breakfast now! Then continue sewing~
- Niko
Anyway, first things first!
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Why I skipped the favorite tumblr thing is cause.. I don't really use tumblr that much and everyone I'm following are like.. favorite tumblrs cause there's just a few of them and I wouldn't follow them if they didn't post awsm shit u know so uh yeah.I'll skip that one and do the nextt onnee..
My views on mainstream music.. uh, is that like.. Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, ... Rihanna? pr what? cause if it is then, okay. Um. I usually don't listen to mainstream music the way I listen to "my music" I mean, I don't like, get all their cds and constantly listen to their songs but I like all kinds of music so ofc I can listen to some of their songs sometimes, and I mean, they mostly make quite good music too, I mean like.. Rihanna and shiet, she makes music that makes me wanna dance, and I liek dancing so.. why not? So.. I don't have anything against mainstream music, it's still just music and .. it's just like all the other music in the world. It can be good, might be reeeaally good or then total shit. The fact that it's mainstream doesn't change it. Still just music.
Yaaaay. And now onto telling bout my dreaaam. So uh. I have no idea why the fuck, but apparently me and some of my friends and some random people had climbed up to some cabin in the middle of the woods on some kind of a .. hill, mountain thing, it was rally hard to get up there and shit. I can't really remember what we did but there were some bears that got reeeeally pissed of and we became like hostages inside the cabin cause at one part me and my friend tried to sneak out and get help but the bears were liek GRROOAST6yghbakwlknhjak >:''BBBBBBBBBBB and we ran back into the cabin. I think at some point, our groups parted and tried to get down from the mountain hill thing from different sides and me and one of my friends got away and I think we got into town or something? Then at some part I lost her and.. I dunno really what happened, it was stupid :'D But the bears were really scary :''c
Okay, I'll go eat breakfast now! Then continue sewing~
- Niko
October 14, 2011
PHOTOSHOOOTTT [Day 14 - Your earliest memory.]
Ahihi yaay, I'm done with taking lame bathroom pictures with random make up and random hair!
I haven't edited any of them cause Iäm lazy and I want food, but I have plans on photoshopping them.. (as if I'll ever do it). BUT YEAH here's a few!
I haven't edited any of them cause Iäm lazy and I want food, but I have plans on photoshopping them.. (as if I'll ever do it). BUT YEAH here's a few!
ahaihaia I'm beautifuull. Okay today's topic.
Umm I don't really know what my earliest memory is, but 2 things that I remember from when I was quite young is uh, this one time when my mom was cleaning our house and I asked if I could draw and she .. we had like this table and chair that was.. together putable. AHAHA collapsible? so yeah, I always used to draw using it, so yyeah, she was cleaning and I was sitting in my collapsible chairtable combination drawing!
The other early memory I have is me and my bro playing outside at this park with these climbing things and shiet, and he told me to try to get over this thing where it's like bars and shit and you're supposed to hang from them and move from bar to bar to the other side, and I ofc fell to the ground and started crying or someshit. :'D
Umm I don't really know what my earliest memory is, but 2 things that I remember from when I was quite young is uh, this one time when my mom was cleaning our house and I asked if I could draw and she .. we had like this table and chair that was.. together putable. AHAHA collapsible? so yeah, I always used to draw using it, so yyeah, she was cleaning and I was sitting in my collapsible chairtable combination drawing!
The other early memory I have is me and my bro playing outside at this park with these climbing things and shiet, and he told me to try to get over this thing where it's like bars and shit and you're supposed to hang from them and move from bar to bar to the other side, and I ofc fell to the ground and started crying or someshit. :'D
OKAY uuh I'm hungry I'll go eat nao, LAME POSTS FTW. when am i gonna starts doing this properly..
- Niko
MAKE UP
YOYO just quick odd update, cause I'm waiting for my camera battery to charge IT DIED hng!
But yeah, i got bored and played around with makeup SO I DID A LIL.. bathroom photoshoot. BUT I look awesome so thus I shall post a few pics here, soon. as fast as I'm done. BUT here's some shitty webcam previews!
But yeah, i got bored and played around with makeup SO I DID A LIL.. bathroom photoshoot. BUT I look awesome so thus I shall post a few pics here, soon. as fast as I'm done. BUT here's some shitty webcam previews!
- Niko
October 13, 2011
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Hhhaaaaii I'm back. I was wokring all day yesterday so buhahahaha. Today i should finish my english essay but shit it's not working :'c I hate writing essays. I hate writing. Used to like it but I just hate everything these days. hng.
Okay but uh uh, prolly just quick update today too, hhhnnn sorryy ;__; I'm just so.. f up rite nao, can't concentrate, can't do shit. I don't get to sleep enough.
Umm, I'd like to visit Japan, maybe Korea, England, Canada, USA uuuhh... Thailand, Australia... yyyeaah. Oh all the places I'd like to go to. Places I'd like to move too.. uh. Well I have never really imagined moving outside Finland cause I'm a wuzz, and uh.. But I could imagine living in Tampere or Maybe hesa, somewhere bigger than this.. a small cute apartment.. öwö Buuut yyyeah. Okay this would be a ridiculously short post if I left it like this.. Oh I know, I can tell you about the shortfilm thing we're working on in school!
Um so, we have like a week on us to film an edit a short movie, and my group (me, Maria & Naomi) will be filming a story about a boy named Jonas who gets dissed in school and starts feeling like shit and then he meets this one other guy and they fall in love and it's amazing. Uh.
Okay but uh. I'll go and try to get my essay done now and and.. try not to feel like shit.
- Niko
Okay but uh uh, prolly just quick update today too, hhhnnn sorryy ;__; I'm just so.. f up rite nao, can't concentrate, can't do shit. I don't get to sleep enough.
Umm, I'd like to visit Japan, maybe Korea, England, Canada, USA uuuhh... Thailand, Australia... yyyeaah. Oh all the places I'd like to go to. Places I'd like to move too.. uh. Well I have never really imagined moving outside Finland cause I'm a wuzz, and uh.. But I could imagine living in Tampere or Maybe hesa, somewhere bigger than this.. a small cute apartment.. öwö Buuut yyyeah. Okay this would be a ridiculously short post if I left it like this.. Oh I know, I can tell you about the shortfilm thing we're working on in school!
Um so, we have like a week on us to film an edit a short movie, and my group (me, Maria & Naomi) will be filming a story about a boy named Jonas who gets dissed in school and starts feeling like shit and then he meets this one other guy and they fall in love and it's amazing. Uh.
Okay but uh. I'll go and try to get my essay done now and and.. try not to feel like shit.
- Niko
October 11, 2011
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Duh fuck? like.. list my day?? Idk, I'll do that cause shit do I care what that actually means buhihihih.
7:20 I got up, ate, drew, got done for school and left for school
9:00 School started, we didn't do much. Just showed our stories to the others and then we got to know that we're gonna make a movie and uh.. yeaah.
11:00 Lunch nomnom
12:00 We were back in school and I did some work for Lillemooo
12:30-13:00 Chillin with Vallu in school, she had some CV stuff that she needed to do so I chilled with my head in her lap.. hnyaa ♥
13:15 get home, eat shit loads, regret everything... BUT I COULDN'T RESIST! It was so delish ;__;
~14:00 Opened my comp and .. checked all the things I had to checkk.. then I fell asleep.
15:10 wake up, feel like shit cause you're so tired, but go sew anyway
16:50 Stop sewing cause you've had enough. I just screwed shit up and got annoyed even tho I did finish the thing I screwed up but man, that was painful cause like I instantly was like HHNGG wanna stab myself, or eat, or just lay somewhere but neither of them was a good option so I just kept going keeping all my rage inside of meehh.
17:00 Go play Nitrome games after Tumblr
17:10 write this shit.
Aahahaha and I haven't got further on this day.. Should start writing that essay about capsule.. BOORRIING.
It's annoying how I like, whenever I feel like shit, everythign else i have ever felt shit about or regretted starts attacking me with shit, and it can be like super ridiculous things from like.. longlonglong ago, and then I feel like hurting myself, or eating or just angsting somewhere but I wont feel better if I do any of them, in fact I'll just feel more shitty so.. yeah. UNBREAKABLE EVIL CIRCLE! It's horrible. Wish I knew how to deal with my shit.
.. uuuuh. I don't have much more to say.. That's about it..
- Niko
7:20 I got up, ate, drew, got done for school and left for school
9:00 School started, we didn't do much. Just showed our stories to the others and then we got to know that we're gonna make a movie and uh.. yeaah.
11:00 Lunch nomnom
12:00 We were back in school and I did some work for Lillemooo
12:30-13:00 Chillin with Vallu in school, she had some CV stuff that she needed to do so I chilled with my head in her lap.. hnyaa ♥
13:15 get home, eat shit loads, regret everything... BUT I COULDN'T RESIST! It was so delish ;__;
~14:00 Opened my comp and .. checked all the things I had to checkk.. then I fell asleep.
15:10 wake up, feel like shit cause you're so tired, but go sew anyway
16:50 Stop sewing cause you've had enough. I just screwed shit up and got annoyed even tho I did finish the thing I screwed up but man, that was painful cause like I instantly was like HHNGG wanna stab myself, or eat, or just lay somewhere but neither of them was a good option so I just kept going keeping all my rage inside of meehh.
17:00 Go play Nitrome games after Tumblr
17:10 write this shit.
Aahahaha and I haven't got further on this day.. Should start writing that essay about capsule.. BOORRIING.
It's annoying how I like, whenever I feel like shit, everythign else i have ever felt shit about or regretted starts attacking me with shit, and it can be like super ridiculous things from like.. longlonglong ago, and then I feel like hurting myself, or eating or just angsting somewhere but I wont feel better if I do any of them, in fact I'll just feel more shitty so.. yeah. UNBREAKABLE EVIL CIRCLE! It's horrible. Wish I knew how to deal with my shit.
.. uuuuh. I don't have much more to say.. That's about it..
- Niko
October 10, 2011
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Uh, okay? That sounds simple and lame, but okay, I'll do it. Cause I'm an lazy ass and today I don't really feel like writing, I just have to write cause I got so stressed when I got the text from my teacher reminding me about that essay that should be done.. today. actually last week already but fuck that. I can't write for shit. And then, ofc, all shit came down on me. I have this essay, 2 pages I think, about my favorite artist that's supposed to be done on friday, I have a kigurumi that I need to work on too, I have school, luckily tho we have 1 week of vacation coming up, otherwise I would've had to finish a essay about Depression til monday too but phew. But yeah, I said the Kigu'd be done in 2-3 weeks, and I started my second week today and next week, I'll probably spent most time at Vallus so.. HURRY HURRY HURRY! but yeah, as we know I'm fucking good at getting stuff done stressing (cause I haven't done what I should've done muahahaha)
Okay I'll shut it for now and do the today thing.
1. Blur - You're so Great
2. Skrillex - Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites - Noisia Remix
3. Blur - Trouble in the Message Centre
4. Blur - Chemical World/Intermission
5.Owl City - Rainbow Veins
6. Ane Brun - Changing of The Seasons
7.Yoko Kanno - Escape
8. Ane Brun - One More Time
9. Blur - Bank Holiday
10. Owl City - Fuzzy Blue Lights
Dooonnneee.
Ahaha just gotta mention... ;
Okay I'll shut it for now and do the today thing.
1. Blur - You're so Great
2. Skrillex - Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites - Noisia Remix
3. Blur - Trouble in the Message Centre
4. Blur - Chemical World/Intermission
5.Owl City - Rainbow Veins
6. Ane Brun - Changing of The Seasons
7.Yoko Kanno - Escape
8. Ane Brun - One More Time
9. Blur - Bank Holiday
10. Owl City - Fuzzy Blue Lights
Dooonnneee.
Ahaha just gotta mention... ;
I want to break all the lolita rules, and call me a true lolita and have a fancy lolita blog and make fancy videos and get a bunch of loli haters ahaha. No seriously, it'd be so fun cause.. I'd be such a troll :''D if you watch a bit further in on the vid she starts talking about how you shouldn't call yourself a.. whatever you're trying to be like, unless you have studied the fashion and know the rules and how shit works and this is probably why I don't dare to be.. 'something' cause I'm so afraid of getting brutally dissed FOR TRYING and maybe not doing the fucking best. That's why I just dress like shit even if I'd like to be so much more but fuck that cause I doubt there's a single fashion thingy that doesn't have all those n00b haters, Lolita seems to be quite peaceful, but I think even they have the n00b haters. Oh ahaha fun fact, apparently "n00b" is a real word..? the auto correct ain't complainin fo shit! :'D Okay but yeah. Fuck fashions, I do what I want!
And now I have to get back to work.. but first, POPCORN!
- Niko
- Niko
October 9, 2011
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss
Ehahaha haven't been writing for a while cause.. I've been busy. Not even sorry~
Anyway, let's stop the chitchat and get to business baby
.. Define "Love": when I actually consider I've felt love. Not those fake relationship things you had as a kid or sumthn. And nothing close to first crush or anything nuh uh. Anyway, now that we got that clear, let's proceed...
My first love was and still is Vallu, I mean, I have had relationships before this and I have all kinds of shit going on, but the only time I can say I have actually felt love would be this time. I don't think crushes can be counted in, no matter how you 'loved' that person, cause love isn't real, until someone loves you back. That's when I think it actually becomes.. real. or that's when I at least felt it was real. When it's just one way it's not the same, not at all. You know, cause it's so much more when someone actually loves you back and cares about you and all that. So yeah, Vallu is my first love... ♥~
Hmm.. first kiss... Uuh. It's hard to say when or with who that was, ahaha. Cause, as a kid (I dunno if I'm just weird or if other kids also do this..) I hade like.. "fake" kisses and shit with my friends on the toilets to see what it's like AHAHA. okay we're so cool. But yeah, I think my first kiss was with some of my friends on a toilet as a kid.. giggle. But like, first.. real time was probably with this one dude that I was together with during 1st and 2nd grade, back then I felt real cool cause not many my age had a boyfriend and not many of them had made out with anyone AHAHA oh damn our relationship was such bullshit.. Oh well.
I think I'm done now.. Hng, I might make a more proper update some day but I'll just go continue sewing now..~
I think I'm done now.. Hng, I might make a more proper update some day but I'll just go continue sewing now..~
- Niko
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