March 19, 2012

APOLOGIES.

IF I'M FAST I might finish before we're gonna watch a movie. GOTTABEFAST.

Aaarharhar. I often have this feeling that I'm not .. worthy of speaking to some people. Like I'm probably not good enough for them as company. Like like. I often get this feeling when people are down and I'm like oh my god let me hug you and tell you shit's gon be oka- no wait I can't talk to you, you're way too cool. :'C
Cause I mean blerr I'm just a annoying teenager who probably doesn't understand shit and uh oh. Yeh. Why and how or what could I ever do to help someone I mean they probably ahve shitloadsa more experience so what would my tiny bitsy itsy thoughts help them since they probably already have thought that way and shiiet. bra.

Then also uh oh. What was I gonna say. oh my god I've been thinking so much today but now I can't remember bahuu. Well uh, apparebtly people often.. or well, not people. It's just that always when I speak of people, others seems to think they're the devil themselves. I mean the people I'm talking about, not the people I'm talking to. Since I pretty much never speak good of people, I mean. I never mention people when I'm happy about something they've done or been or whatever you know, the only times I mention people is when I'm angry, annoyed, angsty whatever negative feelings, and so ofc I will express myself about the people I'm talking about in a negative way so that people who hear me talkign will think that oh my god that person must be such a bitch! And this happens actually quite a lot.
BUT it's not that way. JUST BECAUSE I happen to be pissed at some one at the moment, doesn't mean they're the devil themselves. It doesn't mean they're fucking evil and have plans to rape and kill me. IT DOESN'T MEAN they're bad people, SRSLY GAIS. Everyone I know are good people in their own way (okayIknowaboutonethat'snotbutit'snotrelevant...) and I don't really HATE anyone just because I happen to be expressing my negative feelings about them at the moment to you. I'm just normally angry, or depressed or whatever over something going on around this person or w/e shit m'kay.
So yeah. Now you know. THE MORE YOU KNOW.

Ugh. And I really feel like I need to apologize to pretty much everyone in my past ohmygodI'vebeensuchacunt, tho I have no idea if I have changed at all ahahaha.. aha.. well anyway been treating people like shit and uh oh. NOTHING NEW. Na but yea... And there's this one person who actually uh oh, I think he had .. okay no actually I know he had a crush on me but denied it SO MUCH, causeimacunt since I was afraid of getting togetehr and i know it was wrong to just act as if I didn't get it even tho he did tell me and all but uh oh aaa sorry. And and.uh. It kinda bothers me since I have no idea what kind of a crush it was and I'm so afraid that he'd still be in pain of it and uh oh. I'm sorry. You probably know who you are so uh. sorry.

Okay well I'll go watch a movie nao with ma mama and ma sistaaa. YE.
- Niko

March 18, 2012

serious coffee and tea business

HAR HI.
Today I want to bring up yet another very important topic.

COFFEE AND TEA.
yup folks.

I can't stand any of these two substances, even tho I would love to cause... they smell like heaven ifljsl.
SRSLY THO. I don't understand wwhy that dark brown liquid has to be so.. sour. WHY. I mean, it tastes just absolutely horrifying and and, it's so STRONG. My belly can't take it.
I don't understand how people can drink it, and think it's good. Tho, I'd love to be one of them. I love the smell of coffee and it's as deceiving as always when you try it. It's like YEAH, this smells good how could it ever taste ba- KILL ME NOW. BLARRgggHHHgdjsdkd and then I die. ö_ö SERIOUS BUSINESS IS SERIOUS.
And same goes for tea. ;_; It's like oh my god there's so many tea sorts that smell like nomnomnom but not a single one of them actually taste good. SOB. I've only tasted one tea so far that has been kind of drinkable maybe somtimes. It's some kinda berry tea and uh yeah.
BUT FOR EXAMPLE ginger or whatever tea, SMELLS SO AMAZING, but tastes so bad. so bad. so bad. WWHHYY.
Uh oh. and chocolate coffee. Well you can already guess but yeah, I bought it since it smelled NOM even outside the package and I took it home and I was like ohmygodiwillneveragainhavetoeatchocolate YAAY. But I was so wrong. i would have top eat so much more chocolate not to die of the horrible coffee taste. It didn't taste chocolate really at all. Tho my mom (who drinks coffee at a normal basis) said there was a strong taste of chocolate involved. Tho I didn't taste shit of that chocolate. I could smell it, but not taste it :'C

Can't someone just invent a good smelling and TASTING coffee, since I really want to drink coffee..

Okay I'll go cry over my back pains now BAI

- Niko

March 16, 2012

BALLS.MSWMM

Urk. FFF. Fuckyeah For Fridays. 
No srsly tho, I'm so happy this week is over since oh my God it's been horrible. I suppose I told you earlier bout the animation project thingy. Well, I was still working on putting shit together this morning and aaaagh my eyes are currently hurting and I don't ever wanna animate sobsob. Nah, but yeah. I kept working thinking I could do it til' tomorrow evening. I kept thinking I CAN'T FAIL THIS SHIT and guess if I did?
Frankly, yes, I did. Luckily tho, we don't have that ... whatever exhibition yet, so it didnät have to be 100% complete yet, but I'm still sad and feel like I have failed everything in life. Thus I shall just sleep (and probably eat............ ;_;) my sadness away this weekend, woop.

And I finally have time to write in my blog, fuck yeah. I have seriously been so fucking busy aaarrh. 
Oh well. uh. I don't think this update will really be that proper but some pics and shiet.¨ 





Okay ahaha. The two first pics are fo how fucking comfortably I work on my computer when I have other work taped down to the table goddamit. My tabel is so small I can impossibly compute and paint at the same time :'B

And the second one is the dragon I'm currently working on, oh my god I want to have the time to continue painting it since I want to finish it sooo badly. Too bad I can't bring it to Vallu's since.. it's taped to the table and yeh. But hopefully on monday.. I can spend all day chilling since I won't have singing lessons then and yaay.

Uh what else.. I don't think anything else has really been going on uhoh. My hair feels like tentacles.. I need to brush it.
Okay well I'll continue listening to Oren Lavie and get done for school and you guys, have a great weekend!

- Niko

March 10, 2012

PRO on crastinating.

AgagaGugu. I don't really feel like writing since I don't really have anything to write about, except boring shit, but I really feel like procrastinating, and that's exactly what I'm doing atm, ahahahaha. I will have nightmares. HNG.

Uhuh. I have always thought people take compliments as I do - they're just like.. words. Like they don't mean shit, it doesn't make you feel any different or better or anything if someone tells you some compliment it's like.. "You're pretty!", it doesn't make me feel pretty, it's just something someone says and something I kind of feel like I just HAVE TO answer thanks too to be polite you know, but in your head you're actually just thinking "Yea, but that's just what you think.." or "Pppppft, ass." u know. You are just completely denying it and like yeah. I have always thought EVERYONE always thinks like that when getting compliments. It felt like actually being able to take a compliment just is something I've made up in my head, like that there's actually people who get happy from getting compliments and who actually feel cute or pretty or whatever you tell 'em. But I actually learned yesterday that apparently, some people do take compliments the way I think it should be and it was just.. cool. Since I didn't think that shit actually happened so haha, it was nice. I think I'll start giving more compliments to people :')

We went shopping today. I bought some fabric for a b-day present I'm making, a pair of like.. short.. boots.. ? I have no idea what they're actually called, but they look really adorable.. :'D And I finally got myself a pair of those shorts thingies with the suspenders/braces whatever, you know. Been wanting a pair for about a year but I haven't dared try them on since I'm afraid my butt's too big.. Haha.
I also bought Pan's Labyrinth, the movie you know, haven't watched it yet but I hope it's good!

I also received the manga books I bought a few weeks ago; Hischool of the Dead 4-5 ~ I decided I'd continue collecting one or two manga series, so I decided I'd go with HOTD and Higurashi.. probably. So yyuupp.

Uh oh. We have a project going on in school atm, it's like.. we could either make an animation, a short film, a photo series or.. uh. whatever really, and yeah. I decided to make an animation since I've had this must to animate for so long, and I had first planned on being by myself but then Laura came up with and animation idea and so I paired up with her haha. Would've been so much easier to make an animation by my own since no one would have expectations and ahaha it wouldn't necessary have to get done HAHA. But now I feel kind of a lot of pressure.. XDD oh well, I'll see what I can make of it.. I think it's going to be short as fuck since we have like.. next week still time to make it or something.. someone said something about that we didn't have to finish it to Friday but since I was asleep I have no idea what they said.. aaahh. Oh me.


Aaaand, I really want to continue on that dragon pic of mine aaaah. I want to get it done cause I want to make it amazinguuuu. I think that's what I'll do after this muahahaha.
Oh well. I'm done. BAI.
- Niko

ps. Blogger has the loveliest text editor thingy.... GAH. I fucking hate this shit. Was gonna post another pic but it just wont go where it's supposed to so fuck that.

March 5, 2012

OREGON

Ohai!
Today has been slightly stressy, I'm tired as fuck too so yuppieeeyeeaah!
But it's been quite a nice day, since the sun's been shining and it's been waaarm and shiet.

Today I've been to school, and then we had PE annnd yeah. It's always nice to have a little shorter days on mondays~ Oh and we got some homework where we're like supposed to uh, write how much we sleep, what we eat and how much me exercise a day for a week and then we have to analyse how we.. felt. Or like, yeah, if shit could be better and stuff. I think it's a really nice thing so yyaay~
Anyway, after school I visited duh store, had to get some milk and cheese and shiet, nomnom. And when I got home I cleaned my room. and finally got rid of all the dust and shit on my make up table aaaaarh, can't stand it. And I cleaned my mirrors. And woops, I forgot the windows and the other mirror.. I'll do it tomorrow..
I went on a walk with mah dawg and then I went to singing class/lessons, w/e, and next time I'll be having it for a whole hour since I switched with another person who's also at the singin' lessons uh cause she couldn't go next time and this way she'll not miss anything and yuppie, cool.
My teacher also asked me if I wanted to sing on this.. thing she has in April. Like. On stage. In front of people. I'M LIKE HELL NAW. But then I started thinking and now I can't decide whether I want to or not, but uh. We'll have to see.
AND OH I'm so angry at u gais, y doesn't anyone on the internet has music sheets or chords or whatever to "Run, wolf warrior, run" by Yoko Kanno Aaa I want it cause I wanna sing it ;_; ANYONE!?

Uuuhh. YEAH. I'm currently working on a new piece, worst timing tho sobsob since I'll soon have to start animating, and I just got a shit loads of other things I'd need to do too, so I wont really have time to work on it but uuh. It's a pic of a dragon and I really like it.. and I really wanna continue it.. :'D I hope I'll be able to fit in some time for the coloring.. mmmh. Could make another youtube vid too.. mmmhh. YEAH.

yay for crappy phone pics.. 


Umum. I think that's about it.
and omagad Iactuallypostedsomethingonthatforuman KYAA!~
- Niko

March 3, 2012

ventilate-

Uh. I don't understand people. I don't get how they can be so.. open. on the internet.
I MEAN. For me, it's a fucking impossibility, and it kinda feels like I might've misunderstood the internet since uh, it's supposed to be a place where shy people can go say shit to people cause it's the internet and the real world BUT IT'S NOT. I mean.

Even if it IS the internet, the people in front of that screen of theirs ARE STILL PEOPLE and thus, I think the situation is kind of the same as real life, or? I mean, they're still them.. they still probably react and and uh. Think as they would irl. I mean. I mean. They don't .. UH.
People are just so cool. ;_; I cannot. and I just can't understand how these "I'm so shy uguu" 12 year ols DARE GO TALK to people like Tydii or Dethra or or.. JEN oror.. someone cool, and still be cool about it and HOW THE HELL they dare post in a FORUM filled with these amazing animal artist and and and I DON'T SEE IT. Still they're like uhuh I don't dare say hi to you and I'm not currently bashing anyone tho it undoubtedly kinda sounds so BUT YOU ARE GETTING ME WRONG. I just feel.. anxious. Scared. Frustrated. retarded. ö___ö HERP.
Unhh. I joined a forum called Tassutopia, and another one called Ketunleipä recently and PPPPFF- I can't. I have made ONE post in each one of them and I have been shitting my pants sujknfk I can't. I- I often find shit I'd like to post an reply to but I CAN'T my whole body trembles in shame, BEFORE I'VE EVEN SAID ANYTHING. Iiiiiii- I can just imagine how.. uh. .. they'd hate me. How they'd think I'm odd cause I'm.. me. I'm not completely Finnish. I'm not Swedish either. I'm not cool. I'm not mature for my age. HERPHERP I'm just no one, just some one and they'd hate me. They'd hate me and eat me and have me for brunch. I'm so afraid of them ;__;
aaarr. Calm down.
Uhoh. I feel kinda lonely. Like. I feel I have no one really to talk too. I admit it. I feel aaaa. No one ever says shit to me. I feel horrible. I suhjkfs 

And I feel like the worst friend ever ever and ever. lived. ever. Don't care about my English atm, I'm not even trying since I'm emotional. ahaha. sob.
yeh but yeh, I feel like I'm the worst friend ever since it feels like I fucking abandon everyoneee. Like. I just leave all my friends to rot. Tho I. I- I kinda feel like they don't even care so uh oh. FRIENDS, fucking tell me when you care cause I dunno when you do uhuhuhuh I don't know what it's supposed to be like when a friend cares aaaa ;_; I- II.. HHng. I dunno even who i can count as a friend anymore. I.. can't AAAAAAAAAAgfhjakljö pl. I need someone on the interwebs to talk to since I don't like talking irl and and Vallu doesn't like to talk on msn since it's kinda dead and I mean I talk about those most deep shit with her and stuff irl but I want to have someone on the interwebs to just uhoh. I dunno. Chat with. Think with. Gahh.
VALLU I LABU YOU we btw had our first year anniversary monday this week so yay for us, I love you hun<3
Uuuuh. yeah.
I hate how discriminating shiet's on Fiesta. Uh. I mean. If you play as anything else than a cleric, people will peolly just hate you and want you dead. If you play like a cleric, people just want to be with you cause you're a cleric, cause you can heal and shti AND I FEEL, that's kinda unfair. being treated like shit just cause you don't have the ability to restorate. Not fair people. :'B I get so sad when I play as and archer and jkbs,dalk people never want me in their parties. I DON'T SUCK just ebcause I'm and archer ;__; ARCHER'S ARE COOL shaadaap. I mean, why would they create a character if they'd be completely worthless. Shut it, I'm good in my own way. You just don't realize.

Done ranting.
- Niko