Today's a complete shit day. You know, you wake up, everything's just crap, you keep going, everything's still crap. And it's crap without any fucking reason, and it will ruin your day. It'll make you hate yourself, it'll make you hate everyone and everything. And once you start hating, you just hate more, and more and more, and in the end you just cry cause you're apparently so disgusting and fat and horribly gross. And then you start eating, and you wont stop. And after you're done you cry a bit more cause you're even fatter now, and you will never be awesome and the world can go fuck itself and you don't want to meet anyone and you don't want to do anything else than just.. lying on your bed listening to music pitying yourself and hating the world.
The moment I've probably felt most satisfied with my life was the summer after my and Ronja's break up. I felt so relieved, and I felt I had control of my life, I was positive and happy, and I didn't feel jealous. I knew what I wanted and I was me. Too bad I lost it all cause I was so afraid of loosing it. If I wouldn't fear not knowing who I am and constantly search for me I'd probably just naturally become awesome. But that's not the case and there's nothing I can do about it. Okay, there's a lot I can do about it, but I won't. Fuck that. Fuck everything.
I'm out.
- Niko
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