October 27, 2011

Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.

The pace was finally becoming closer to normal, she was getting calmer. The redhead leaned against the kitchen table with her left hand and wiped off some blood from her cheek with her other hand. Calm, calm.
The sudden cough made her "calm" disappear. She took a few heavy breaths, then turned around to look at the bare feet, the long legs on the floor. Everything else was covered by the end of the kitchen table, so she slowly took a few steps towards the body, to see what was going on.
Her glance was met by a slightly confused, a bit drugged looking pair of eyes, staring up at her while blood was running down the victims dimple. The girl on the floor made a gurgling sound and more blood poured from her mouth.
Ugh. Gross. The redhead took a step over the soon to be dead body and crotched down to be able to hear the poor girl last words. Bloody gurgles again, some coughing.
- Hgg.. That was a bit .. sudden.. don't you.. think..? 
The girl on the floor smiled a bit, followed by yet some more gurgles. The redhead just wanted to stab this bitch to death, this was getting a bit too gross.
- .. Interesting.. stuff turned out.. gurgl.. like this.. we were once .. best friends.. now suddenly.. *cough* .. I die, stabbed.. in my own.. kitchen.., she was still smiling. The redhead hated that smile, oh how she did. But this was indeed quite an interesting situation, more than it was supposed to be. But it'd soon be over.
She pulled out a knife that was still smeared with blood, held it with both her hands. She took one last look at the girl under her hands, she was still smiling. Oh how this filled her with anger and without hesitation she stabbed her, hard. Many many times. To make sure this time, she wouldn't come back gurgling for her. She'd stay dead, as dead as a dead person can be. 
After about 10 stabs she stopped. Sat there beside the gory view of what once was a very pretty young girl.

Ugh wtf this storything came to me as I was doing other stuff today but then it jsut pooped and now it's shit, fuck that. 
.. Todays thing, I don't get it. Is it a question or what? I'm not gonna do anything about that then :'v

Hnngg. Interesting how I can't stand Animelehti. Whenever I notice I've got it in the mail I'm like FUCK YEAH but then before even beginning to read it, I just wanna.. tear it into peaces and throw it away, hide it and never need to look at it. CAN I BE JEaLOUS OF EVEN ANIMELEHTI whaaaat is going on in my life. No srsly, I can't stand animelehti cause I'm afraid (or I think atleast that's the case..) of finding stuff there that I can't stand (= pretty much everything ahaha) but it's.. I have a love hate relationship with everything.

Uh. At first, when I came to my new school, I was ofc excited and ridiculously nervous. Then  I got friends and then everything seemed chill and nice and stuff was just awesome and it felt like I had finally come to a school that I'd like. Now, I don't think I belong there at all. I'm actually really uncomfy being there. It's not the people, it's not the teachers, it's not the things we do, it's just me. I don't think that's a good school for me, I feel extremely out of place cause.. maybe I'm not interested in art? I mean. As watching the Italy thing the third graders had today, I was just like holy fucks, how the fuck do they care a bout all this shit art that doesn't really seem interesting at all. It's like when I shop clothes, or anything else. I don't walk around there for many hours and look through everything. I walk in, take a quick toll through the shop and stop at places where I think I see something nice, then I get out, and I've noticed almost all my other friends don't do this, they spend so much more time looking at everything. Okay back to the art thing, so yeah. I can't say I'm really interested at all in checking out stuff on exhibitions, and I don't really think Gogh or someone else is that cool / interesting / inspiring, whatever, and I just feel like I don't belong, at all. Maybe something else is supposed to be the passion of my life. Or maybe I'm supposed to have art as a hobby and just be some n00b shit and work at a office or someshit. No but srsly. I don't give a fuck. And I kind of feel bad, yet not.

Also another thing, that kind of also have to do with these feelings, or well they're somehow connected, is the fact that I have this urge to get away from all people and everything. I want a very tiny apartment in some big / semi big town where I can just sit all by myself, listen to music, look at the rain or whatever shit going on outside, the bypassing cars and people. I wouldn't have to do anything, wouldn't have to be anywhere, wouldn't have to meet anyone, and I'd have a siwa or something like right across the street. And then, I'd never need to go out anywhere and be with anyone like ever. I'd have my comp, my kittens and my hobbies. I'd probably become fat, but like hell I'll ever be happy with myself, might as well. So yeah, I'd like to not need to go anywhere or do anything. I don't want to be anywhere, I don't want to be with anyone. Leave me to be.

Been listening to Depeche Mode "Wrong" past few days. So me.
- Niko

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